Around the river bend

                             

       




I am moving to Haiti in less than a month
      and I'm excited.

The One with No Home.

Wanderer.
    That seems to describe me lately.
 
I graduated in May and unexpectedly went to Iowa 2 days later.
          My mother had emergency surgery and I went to help take care of her for 3 weeks.
     Since then I have been meandering around the US.
   I was in LA for a while and Vegas for a time too.
                Recently I was in El Centro, CA- a border town.
My friend and I then drove to El Paso, Tx where we stayed with one of my roommates for a couple days.
   I am now in Oklahoma.
Tomorrow we will drive to my grandma's farm.
            A few days later, we will drive to Iowa,
  where we will then go on to Chicago.
       At some point, my friend will fly home and I will drive back to Iowa for a few days.
  I will then drive to the other side of Iowa for a wedding.
             After that, I will fly to Virginia Beach.
    4 days after I get back, I will fly to Haiti.

As you can see, I am just going from place to place.
      As I've been meeting new people this past week and they ask where I am from,
                  I just get confused and awkwardly speechless.
    I grew up mostly in Iowa,
         but I've lived in LA for the past 4 years
 and I'm prepping to move to Haiti.
        I currently live no where- I just wander.
   
But I'm learning I don't need a home.
      I'm joyful because I know Jesus was homeless.
             He keeps taking care of me with places to stay along the way.
    He is good to me.
 Because He is faithful, even when I am not.
       
    Although someday I need to learn how to be content where I am...
 
        

The One with Firetrucks and Swords

Congratulations to my brother and new sister Liz! 

         They got married last weekend. 

     They had firetrucks and swords at their wedding.

                             WIN. 

The One without Comfort

Question: Am I ready to REALLY trust God? Better yet, am I ready to trust him so much I become uncomfortable? 

--God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through. (Francis Chan) 

This is the latest lesson God has been teaching me. 

        And I am FINALLY getting excited about it.  

    I've always said I don't like to live in a sense of comfort. 

Perhaps that's why I would go live in a mud hut without a second thought. 

        But that's not where God is currently calling me. 

   He knows I would be too comfortable in a mud hut. 

                     However, I am uncomfortable getting a middle-class job in America. 

           In fact, this has paralyzed me with fear from applying to jobs until recent weeks.

      I fear I will get stuck living 'the American dream'

               For me personally, I get upset about this idea. 

I think it's great for others, but not for me. 

  I fear getting a job after graduation because I fear I will get stuck. 

               But then again, I have graduation in less than a month and I will be jobless. 

Which used to terrify me just as much as I am afraid of getting stuck in middle class America. 

           I clearly have an internal struggle. 

                    I am ready to be done with school. 

      I am ready to move onto the next chapter. 

                But I have no idea what that looks like. 

   It's been constantly on my mind, nagging me daily. 

           But I've learned so much about trusting God. 

      While I've trusted God before, this is a new kind of trust I'm learning. 

It's trusting God without a safety net. 

                    I am getting really excited about this! 

        But I couldn't get this excited about trusting God and not knowing what happens June 1 until a recent, interesting lesson from God. 

     Saturday, I was in Arizona 4-wheeling with some friends. 

I was in the rear and had just watched my friend almost flip her ATV going up a slight cliff (before she actually did). 

          That freaked me out. 

      I didn't want to go after that. 

  As I sat there contemplating, yelling to my friends I can't do it.

         God screamed very blatantly "DO YOU TRUST ME?" 

 He meant it in that very moment and He also meant it overall in life- in my next step in life. 

        Naturally I said yes, but then I had to take a moment to really think about that question. 

   A few moments later, I rode up that stupid, small cliff perfectly fine. 

I had just put myself in a position where I was not comfortable.

     I spent the remaining 4 hours riding the ATV deep in thought about trust.

             Sunday, my roommates unknowingly spoke confirmation about this and now 

I can happily say I am in a very different place with my trust in God. 

I am in a position where I am uncomfortable with June 1 coming closer and closer, 

yet I am excited about it. 

I know it is going to be ok because God created this planet and is in control- 

He wouldn't just abandon me. 

       I am so excited to be in a place where I am uncomfortable and I would be in trouble if God didn't come through!

Peace. 

One Day without Shoes

     Today I went without shoes.

Toms (a shoe company that gives a pair of shoes to a shoeless child in a 3^rd world country for every pair purchased) hosted a day without shoes to raise awareness for those children who are less fortunate and have never owned shoes.

It may be argued that children who grow up without shoes are used to it- yes, they are used it and have built up calluses so they aren’t so sensitive to the hard ground, but they often have open sores and cuts on their feet. It is easy to contract tetanus, jiggers, intestinal worms, and other illnesses.

                A pair of shoes could simply save a life.

                        It was just like a fast, a fast from shoes.

As I walked to school and around campus, I felt every rock and crack, burned the bottoms of my feet on the asphalt, and was reminded how delicate my feet are.

                         I have blisters and cuts.

I never realized how much I take shoes for granted, let alone the privilege of owning not just one pair of shoes, but multiple pairs.

I’m so overwhelmed with the privilege of owning shoes!

                       SHOES!!

              How many days do I wake up and struggle in choosing what shoes to wear?

        How many times have I complained about not having shoes to match my outfit? 

      Wow!

What an honour it is that I am among the wealthiest people in this world and get to wear shoes daily!!

           I am praising God for the blessing of shoes!!!

Why do I get to live in America and have so many privileges like shoes when there are billions of people living in extreme poverty??

I just don’t understand why I am so blessed, why I get to do the things I do and have the privileges I have

                What did I do to deserve this life?

                                 Who am I to even own shoes?

Try going without shoes, if not for a day, than at least for a couple hours- walk around the block barefoot or something.

Get a better understanding of what life would be like without shoes and what an honour it is we get to simply have a pair of shoes.

                    Praise God you get to have shoes for your feet!

Remember that time?

'What are you doing after graduation?'

It seems I'm asked this very question 14 times a week. 

                      I wish I had an answer. 

      I wish I had the security of knowing what is next, but I don't. 

             All I know is I can't live a safe life. 

          Jesus is dangerous. 

I can't live holding on.

       I remember that time my entire life course transformed back in 2006. 

   It was at this conference.

         [If I'm going to truly, I mean truly walk in faith, I have to take peace in the Lord.
   I have to take joy in the fact only God knows where the next chapter of my life will lead]

Watch the video. 

   

The One with the Dream

It’s rare for me to go a night without active dreams.           

 Some nights I go to bed praying for God to teach me something.

    And He did…

 This particular dream will be hard to convey.

I woke up weeping.

I was a young boy in this dream,

 which at first I found strange but now I understand, at least more so.

         I was with 4 friends, all of which were young boys too.

We were somewhere in the middle east traveling on a train.

We were abducted by Islam extremists and they took us to a room where they made me watch them beat my 4 friends to death.

There was stabbing, meat pounding, flailing, and other unspeakable things.

Blood was everywhere.

                        Organs were flying around the room.

 I knew exactly what was happening and was forced to watch,

but some of it was censored, I couldn’t handle seeing all this.

I believe God knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

There was blood everywhere.

I couldn’t stop these men.

These boys were innocent, but they followed Jesus.

So why did they make me watch and let me live?

They released me after it was all over and I went back to America and couldn’t talk.

 I just wept.

People were asking me where the other boys were and I couldn’t say anything.

       At this point, I woke up weeping.

The boys age shows innocence.

As well as vulnerability and in need of comforting.

This dream has troubled me since I had it a few months ago.

I weep for those doing the persecution.

I weep b/c they have fallen so deeply into the lies of the devil.

I weep because they are so lost.

I weep for the lives who are taken b/c they follow Jesus.

I weep for the suffering in this world.

            I weep because this is happening every day.

I weep because I did this to Jesus.

I weep because this is not just a dream, but reality.

I weep because God is good.

I asked for a dream and he showed me what is taking place in this world.

I weep because I was not compassionate towards these people (and still struggle), but through this dream I see the brokenness on both sides and now feel broken for them.

God gets all the glory. All the time.

Peace.