The One with Joy and Hope

I have something magnificent to share with you. As most of you all know, I have been going down to skid row (where the homeless live in LA) on Friday nights to hand out water and just hang out with the people. Well tonight was a bit of a different night, we usually go down around 10 and leave at like 2 in the morning, but today we went down around 6:30 for some reason. Well seeing as how it was earlier, it was much more lively with some of a different crowd. We got to talk with some amazing people and pray over them, it's great because we are making relationships with people too.

Tonight we spent some time in a large crowd type thing and we all started talking with different people. I was talking to this one man and when done I started to pass out water to a few people standing around. I didn't see my friends so I thought I'd just chat a bit with a random man standing near me. He started telling me how sweet it was that I spend my time caring for people and giving water because when he was my age all he cared about was himself, drinking and partying. He went on and on until I stopped him and was like, "thank you so much for telling me this, it's such a blessing to hear, there is a reason I am like this..." and then proceeded to tell him it's because I long to live like Jesus, as we are called to. I told him all about the joy I have found in God our Savior and that I didn't understand what this meant until I was 18-- I told him some of my story and how Jesus rocked my world. I told him how great our God is and how he has fulfilled me. Anthony, upon hearing this was astonished at the joy I had and how he has never seen someone like me before. He told me he had heard before this living for Jesus stuff but never understood what it meant until right now, seeing it in me. He told me had met tons of Christians who go church all the time and do the good deeds, but he never has met one full of the Holy Spirit with a true desire to live like Him (which is sad to hear, where did the passion go?) It was as if God used me to connect the dots, I literally watched a light go on in him. Seeing this I took the opportunity to tell the story of Jesus and how marvelous and wonderful His story is. I explained the love of God to Anthony and who knows what else -- the holy spirit took my mouth and talked for the Lord, telling Anthony of what a great maker we have and so on. I have no idea what most of the stuff I said, I was blindly saying words, but they struck Anthony. I told him he could be saved and shared about salvation. He asked how to say a prayer so I asked if he wanted to receive Christ into His life and he said YESS!!!! I was so excited. He repeated the prayer after me and then I laid hands on him and prayed for Him. I felt the Holy Spirit present. I am so so so so excited for him! Talking with him after was awesome! He had the joy I had ! I saw it in him and I heard it. I asked him about it and he was in awe. He said he hasn't ever felt so joyful!! I talked to him for a bit more and got his number. I told him to start reading Mark and that I would call him tomorrow. He got so excited-like a little kid- and was thrilled because no one had ever called him (sad how the simple things to us are a big deal to others). He even said we can talk about the Bible and Jesus. Saying goodbye he told me He is so grateful because he has never had hope before!

I never intended to be God's vessel to lead this man to Christ, I was just going to chat with him while I waited for my friends. I am exploding with joy!! God was preparing his heart for this chance meeting and it's such an honor to be used by Him, I don't deserve it.I am so unworthy of this yet I still get to show the love of Jesus on others!!!

I am asking for prayer for our new brother in Christ, Anthony.

-First of all, GIVE GLORY TO THE LORD FOR HE IS GREAT!!!! REJOICE IN HIS NAME!!

-Pray he will plug into a church and find a mentor--such as a pastor

-Pray he stays clean from alcohol (Been sober for 2 years already) and continue with aa meetings (he wants me to go to one next week with him, I am going to go God willing)

-Pray the Lord will cure his anxiety

-Pray He will see God as the Father who will never leave him (as his earthly one did)

-Pray Christ will continue to reign in His life and he will grow immensely in Him

-Pray He can be a light for those around him on the streets

-Pray He learns what it means to be a follower of Jesus and will desire more of Him.

I ask for your prayers for Anthony, also I ask you spread his name in request for prayer. The more, the better.

GOD IS GOOD AND HE REIGNS!!

Jesus loves you

Peace.

The One With Skid Row

Lately, I have been going down to Skid Row on Friday Nights, spending time handing out water to the homeless and spending time in fellowship with them- praying, playing guitar, talking, and/or just being. I love it. Last night seems extra awesome (except of course for the time my mother went with me :) ) . Usually we leave around 9:15, but this time we couldn't leave until 10 so we were late getting down there. God stalled us for a reason, a reason I want to share with you-- The four of us, each carrying a flat of water, were walking down 5th street in pursuit of finding the other 4 people we were meeting up with and as we passed by people sleeping, sitting, or walking we gave them water. One man walking the other way grabbed the bottle and asked for prayer, of course this is not something that happens too often, so I was excited. Naturally, I asked his name and if there was something specific. He told us how he just graduated in June valedictorian but he has struggles with addiction and this has landed him on the streets. He knows Christ but appears to be in a time of darkness. As soon as I laid hands on him to pray, electricity was beaming from my fingers-causing a shock like feeling and the Holy Spirit flooded over me. I have no idea what was prayed but I do remember propheting over his life -- this man is gonna do awesome things for God and I am so excited, every-time I think about or pray for Him this joy I can't explain over me just sweeps me off my feet. I am so so so pumped for him!!! He is going to be a leader and through him, others will come to follow Christ. He is going to do wonderful things and God is going to use this time on the streets for His glory!! I could go on but I have so much more to share.

At the end of our prayer session with him, another man was praying with us- I have no idea when or where he came from- he was just there when I opened my eyes. But anyway, he asked for prayer too. He didn't speak english, he spoke spanish. My high school german didn't help with interpreting what he wanted but fortunately a couple of the people I was with took Spanish in high school. He too struggles with addiction, and is having a hard time finding steady work. We laid hands on him and the holy spirit came too. Awesome time of prayer!! He too is gonna come out of this dark time and live for Him!! While we were still talking with him, another man walked up- so I went to him and he started to tell me about himself without me asking. He needed someone to talk to I think. I found out his story, very sad like most people down there. He has his Ph.D and yet, is without a home- I do have to say he was cleaner and had nicer clothes on then most of the folks I have met. Basically, his ex-wife cleaned him out and now he is on the streets and can't find a job at the moment. As I was praying over him, a couple came up and asked for prayer as well. I nodded since I was in the middle of praying and when I finished, I looked over at her and she was crying. I have no idea why, but I saw the pain in her eyes. She then tried to hide it and said "oh goodness, I'm gonna get beat up out here." and proceeded to try to stop. I just laid my hands on both of them-Lois and Daryl- and began to pray. The Holy Spirit was there and I know they have been surrounded by angels for protection. When I was done praying, Lois and I just held each other. I don't know how long, but it was a while. I talked a bit to her, trying to encourage her and help her find strength in the Lord. We eventually said goodbye.

In the meantime, the others had been trying to talk with the spanish speaking man. They too said goodbye and we met up with the other folk we came to meet.

I know God planned our late arrival for a reason. Had we of been on time, we would have probably of moved onto 6th street at the time we passed the first man. We never would have met him and none of the other people would have stopped for prayer. It's crazy how God works! he knows so much better then I could ever plan. These people stopped in humility, in desperation. They saw something in us causing them to approach us.

Also, It was obvious the police had gone through the area earlier doing a "sweeping" (where they randomly ticket and/or arrest everyone) because no one was in their usual spot and there weren't as many people as usual. Had they not of disorganized the streets, we never would have stopped to pray where we did. God is good!

We spent the remainder of the night on 6th street-talking, praying, and handing out water. I could go on and on telling stories of each person I met, they all are interesting, but I won't bore you. Although the last lady we talked with was very interesting. She was possessed and flat out told us she had demons living in her. We wanted to call them out in the name of Jesus but she wouldn't let us. At the time I let her tell me no, now I regret this, we should have just done it. I don't know what we were thinking, maybe it was her rambling about the drugs she had in her hand, the 6 names she has, or the fact that she was kissing us, but I regret it. I pray for her. I hope to see her next week so I can call them out, whether she's ok with that or not.

It was a good night, so many people just need someone to talk to, to show them they are worthy, to show them random strangers care, to show them God loves them.

The thing that sickens me is the way we view the homeless. So often we look at them and categorize them with prejudice thoughts. It's so easy to do so. I do it. I try so hard not to but I still do it. It's easy to look at the man on the corner as a screw-up, not a person. They too have a family, they too have a story, they too have a soul, they too have been formed God's image, they too are loved and adored by Christ, they too were bought with the blood of Jesus. We often look at them with pride and a thinking that we are better then them. But that is far from true. We are just as screwed up, we have sinned just as much, we have addictions too. Perhaps not the same, maybe it's addictions to money, to success, to politics, to busywork, to material goods, to sin. Don't get me wrong, I am not here to judge anyone, I am here to say that I am just as messed up as the people on the streets, if not more. I struggle with humility. I am learning what it looks like to be humble through grace. The friends I have made in skid row have been humble enough to accept me, to accept my arrogance, to accept my screwed up self. They have honored me with there friendship and they have allowed me to learn what it means to be like Christ, who was homeless.

God is moving down there. He is doing some great things. While I may not be able to see it, I can feel it. I am so excited to see what is going to happen. There is definitely a battle for this place, a spiritual one is raging on. However, we all know who prevails in the end-- Jesus! There's still a lot of work to be done, but it's gonna be good.

The One With A Man

I know this man, in fact I am in love with Him.
He did something for me that takes my breath away.
He was beaten so bad He was unrecognizable, He was tortured in ways I can't imagine.
He was killed for me.
He has freed me from sin.
He loves me even though I go against His Word and sin daily.
He even blesses me all the time.
He has healed me and I mean literally.
He has transformed my life.
Because of Him I will have eternal life in a place I cannot comprehend.
He is a big deal.
He is the Son of God.
His name is Jesus.

I highly suggest you meet Him.
He knows you better then you know yourself.
He knows every move you make, every thought you think.
He will meet you wherever you are.
This is the most important decision you will make, ever.
You can reject or accept.
In your hands//heart is the consequence or the reward.




This is not a religion.
This is a relationship.

The One Where I am Back in the West

This post is long over due. Apparently 3 am is an inspiring time to write. I have been back in Iowa for a good 5 weeks now. [The foods been great!] It’s been an interesting 5 weeks, included with trips to the ER as a patient and dressed in scrubs. I brought home a souvenir that scared the crap out of my family—A staph infection. It was in my armpit, I noticed it at first in Rwanda but I thought it was just razor burn. Then it got sore and by the time I got back to the US it decided to take over. I think it started out as razor burn but something got into the opening of the skin, probably from the water or something. I’ll spare you the details but it got pretty nasty and on a rare weekend when all 5 of us were actually together I showed it to them. Eric freaked. He was convinced I was going to die; this led the rest of my fam to think the same; forcing me to have the privilege of experiencing the worst pain of my life. [I changed my mind, I’m not gonna spare you all the details]. The doc had to dig around in my armpit with a knife, probably the size of a machete. And I’m talking deep. At least an inch and that’s not even exaggerating, that’s what my mom said (who doesn’t exaggerate). He tried to numb it but it was just too deep. He cleared everything out in about 10 minutes or so but it felt like 10 hours. That was about 4 weeks ago, it’s all healed except for bruising. The nice thing is the hair is minimal now. So not worth the pain though.

2 days later, I began EMT school at the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics. I just took my final Monday and passed with a 95%, not to brag or anything. In that time I did clinical time in the ER here in Iowa City and ambulance ride time with Johnson County. I got to see and help with a lot of cool things—especially since it’s a university hospital where they get all the cool stuff. To be nationally certified I have to take the national practical exam. There are 2 parts to it: the written and the mock calls. I did the most nerve-racking yesterday and have yet to take the written. There where 3 different scenarios I was put into. The first was cardiac arrest, so basically CPR and putting a tube in. the 2nd was trauma where a woman had a huge laceration in her leg, including having cut her artery, and the third was a chest pain. I had to go into these rooms where a national grading person sat and determined if we passed or failed. I was so nervous, but I prayed and felt confident. I went in there and kicked butt. I basically got into a zone and ignored the fact that this was such a big deal.

I’m finally going to Chicago this weekend to see Joy and Jenny. Oh, and picking Eric up at O’hare on Monday. I do look forward to hearing his stories about Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. The lucky duck, I wanna go to Asia! And a week from Monday, I’m having ankle surgery. LAME!!! Not the kind of thing I want to be doing in the summer. But it’s been a year and a half since I injured it so it’s about time I guess.

Adjusting has been interesting and defiantly not easy. I have been able to stay in touch with a few friends through email and facebook, it’s just hard for them because most of them have to go to internet cafes to access the internet. I miss it a lot. I try to not to talk about it. I try not to think about it. I try not to look at pictures. That’s probably not good, but it hurts too much. In fact, I’m getting tears in my eyes thinking about it. I think that’s why I don’t want to do an update. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind if people ask me about it, it's when I have to dig and see faces and places to get an answer that sucks. I love those questions that are easy to answer without going into a memory. It's a selective memory I've got. I feel it’s easier to go about my daily life here and just focus on that and not let my mind drift to Africa. On those days when I do think about it, I don’t allow it to go very far. The second details come into my mind is the second I switch it off. I’m really good at ignoring things and not dealing with them. I don’t really know if any of this makes any sense but I don’t know how else to explain it. I can’t talk about this anymore. Sorry.

Have a good night/day.

Peace.

The One With the Sad Good Byes.

Humpf. This will probably be one of my last posts. In the morning, I am going to Rwanda to learn about the genocide and their country since. I am sure it will be interesting but I don't want to go. Saying good-bye to my family was hard. One of my brothers cried all day. My mama didn't know we were leaving today until last night and when she found out she just cried...it made me sad so I just hugged her. I don't think I will say much more about that. it's not been easy. But I will say that I know this is not the last time I will see them, whether it be again in this life time or rejoicing to the Lord in Heaven. For this, I am grateful!!

I just wanted to let you all know I won't be on here for awhile so don't expect anything. Thanks for all the prayers and support!! I really appreciate it!

Peace

The One With My Messy Life but Clean Heart

I am feeling bittersweet at this point. The end is near---which means no more homework, but that also means I will have to leave my family. I only have one more paper and a presentation, neither are due till Tuesday so I thought I would do another, hopefully more in depth update instead of working ahead. I am also waiting for my brother to get here for lunch…he said he was coming 2 hours ago, but then again he is Ugandan and that is how time works here.

I have so much to say, but the words don't come as easily as I hoped. I have not told much about the things I see, experience, and feel. I have only told a tiny percentage of life in Uganda, but I think I am on overload, there is so much to process.

The other day, I was walking to school and one of the girls I often greet gave me an envelope. In it were some letters asking me to pay for her school fees, books, uniform, food, and shoes. I am not sure how to respond, I know I can't just give her money. It's policy here (USP) but also, people can't be dependent on the Mzungu, and if I were to give the $$$ they would expect every white person to give something. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have been asked for money or food because they are hungry. The locals view the white man as a hero who has all the money in the world and bring luck. But in reality, we are just like them. We hurt. We are broke. We are desperate for a hero too. When I first got here, my sister told me how the neighbors would ask if we bathe, if we eat, if we sleep, if we use the toilet, and so on. It is sad that some people don't realize we are humans just like them. They think we are fragile and could easily break. I don' t know where these rumors come from but they don't realize we are one with them in Christ. The average Ugandan views the Mzungu as the savior, but in reality the only one who can give eternal joy and answer the needs is Jesus. He may choose or choose not to use the Mzungu as a tool. I get frustrated with many Christians here (US too, but this is about Uganda) who forget they need to be looking to Christ for help instead of to me. I am not the one who can save them, sure I can give them some Shillings, but that will only last so long until they need more and have to beg from another Mzungu. They should be putting their faith in Christ and in the eternal healing only He can provide.

Sometimes it’s the trials that make us complete, trusting in God is His desire. He wants us to be holy, but a problem occurs when we don’t want to be holy. God gives us the trials to be formed to the person He desires. If my greatest desire in life is to become like God and to be pure, then going through pain will get me closer to Him. In the times of trials, using praying and asking God for strength and eyes to see will be the only way to come out stronger and closer with Him. Jesus Christ did not come to save us from pain but to save us from sin. We are to expect pain. God sees everything, He sees beyond the trials and knows things are happening for a reason. We need to trust Him and know that He is forming. Persevering and standing through the trials with God at my side will be the only way to pass. Sadly, many people and even myself look at the hardships of life and blame God, they blame Him for not fixing all their problems and even for not fixing the problems of the world. Why do people blame Him? Sure, He allows these things to happen but surely there is a reason for this. Why is life so unfair and so many are hurting? Why does He allow such pain? In the book Compassion he says “The mystery of God’s love is not that our pain is taken away, but that God first wants to share that pain with us." God could take the pain away, but He has chosen not to because He wants to be a part of it with us. He values our relationship with Him so much that He wants us to come to Him. At the end of the trial, I can look back and see the growth I have made and the growth I have made in Him.

“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you” (John 16:22, ESV).



I have decided to share with you all some excerpts from a paper I wrote.

The call has not been made to simply the disciples or myself, but every Christian has been called to take part in the Great Commission. As mentioned in class, it is time people stop sitting around waiting for the “I am called” moment and/or using another excuse. It doesn’t matter the color of one’s skin, the location in which they live, or the amount of money in their pocket, if one truly claims Jesus is Lord, then they have no reason to ignore the call He has made to all His people. We are given one life to live; if the love of Christ is sincerely in one’s heart, then living for His name is the most invigorating act one can carry out.

Many Christians mistakenly assume the Great Commission is only for the ones who have “been called” to live cross-culturally as Christian expatriates; however, once one has called on the name of Jesus Christ to forgive their sins and enter their hearts, they too are called to the Great Commission with no going back. To ignore this call is to be insincere about the faith one has in Christ. In Compassion, we are told to find those who are suffering and build a home there because that is the way of Christ. People are hurting all over the world, including my home country and even my hometown. There are many ways to partake in the Great Commission, whether that be going to China and planting a church or staying home and working in an office building, as long as the committed Christian lives a lifestyle for Jesus and evangelizes the Gospel to others. Personally, I do not know where the Lord is calling me to live and work or even what to do with my life, but I do know I need to stay faithful to Him and take my minor role in the Great Commission seriously.
....
With my future this near and the ever-dreaded “what are you doing with your life?” question being asked more often, I dwell on my possibilities. In Jinja, I saw a desperate need; there are many underdeveloped countries that lack suitable medical facilities. But then Luweero gave me a better understanding of the importance of staying and living locally. Before coming to Uganda, I was determined to get out of America and venture off to a foreign country where I could somehow assist in a medically enhanced manner. Now that I am in a foreign country that lacks proper medical equipment and sanitation, reality has struck me causing me to get selfish and to fight an internal struggle. Part of me wants to stay where it’s comfortable. I want to stay where I don’t have to worry about running out of medical equipment. I want to stay in the cleanliness and comfort of the west. But am I supposed to? Isn’t part of being a Christian going out of my comfort zone? And how much of a light can I be in a developed country? Or is going to another location in the world selfish when people are hurting in my own backyard? What if I go into the inner city or do some kind of work with immigrants? Or am I just coming up with excuses for wanting to stay where I am more comfortable?

In a moment of deep thought and frustration about my future, I looked up and read the words brightly painted on my family’s wall over the archway, serving me a reminder, “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion which can never be shaken, never be moved (Psalm 125:1).” It struck me, I am sitting here, frustrated and discouraged about this paper, but more importantly with the nebulous path I am to take in life, yet I shouldn’t be. The slap Jesus just gave me helped my anxiousness to leave and the frustrations to dwindle. As long as I stand firm in my faith, Christ will lead me where I ought to be. God also reminded me of similar frustrations I had last semester and the words He clearly told me then, “That is for Me to know, not you. Have faith child.” I should not be looking to the future with anxiety but with joy in not knowing.

Now when asked, “what do you want to do?” I realize the only significant and worthy answer consists of, “I want to live my life for Jesus because He is the Resurrected King.” In His own timing and not mine, Christ will fill in the blank pages of my story something not so easy to always accept. But then again, peeking ahead will spoil the next page or even worse, the conclusion.

I sit here unsure of my future, unsure of what I really want to do, unsure of the Lord’s plan for my life, but I know that as long as I continue to listen to the little whisper He so often calls me with, I will be who I want to be: a daughter of the almighty God. He has called me to find those suffering in my midst and to be with them, something I can do and must do without relying on my physical location in this world.



This kinda shows you all where I am at right now. 100% unsure of life. I can tell you my plans till mid June, but not much past that. Sure I plan on going back to Biola next semester and finishing the next 2 years there, but how easily that could change. A few days ago, I was freaking out about my future (I do not easily stress). I was full of questions and frustrated with the lack of knowing. But now, I am 100% ok with this and just want to live with joy knowing Jesus is in my heart and will lead me on a path He has already shaped.

I am in a place in my life right now where I have no answers, not even for the letter the girl on my walk home gave me. All I can talk about is Jesus and His great love and desire for His creation to recognize Him and praise Him. Oh how He deserves all the glory. He is with me in my trials and knows the other end will be better off then my plan. My life may be messy before my eyes, but my heart is right and sings joy to the Lord!

OH HOW GLORIOUS AND WONDERFUL OUR MAKER IS!! TO HIM BE THE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER!!


Peace

The One With the Headless Chicken

I hope you all had a good easter! it is so good to know that the Lord has resurrected!!
We went to church and came home and had a big lunch. i guess some things stay the same from culture to culture. My brother and i went on an easter egg hunt. We found lots of eggs! we even scrambled some later and they were quite tasty.

On Saturday, I killed a chicken and then disected it for the meat. It was quite interesting. My brother now thinks I am more man. haha. i was going to try and post pics on here, but the internet won't let me, perhaps i will try facebook instead.

I really don't have much time to be on here, but I wanted to give y'all a quick update. I had to write a poem for my African Lit class, just so you know i am horrible poet and kinda embarrassed by it but i will post it b/c i want to make it look like i wrote a long update.




I searched, I yearned
Yet here you were
You were waiting with open arms
My blindness hid you from me
Now, I know
Now I clearly see
You are holding my right hand
You are the father of love
Now, I know
Your love has given us free will
My finger slipped but harder you grabbed
You are father of all
Now, I know
My free will desires you most of all
There is nothing I crave besides you
Now, I know
You are the clouds
You are the seas
You are the blades of grass
You are all around me
Now, I know
I see you Jesus, I see you
I feel you in the wind
I hear you in the thunder
I smell you in the flowers
I taste you in the matoke
You are all around me
You are the strength of my heart
Now, I know
Now, I smell
Now, I hear
Now, I see
Now, I taste
Now, I feel
But can others?
Can they hear?
Can they see?
Can they taste?
Can they feel?
Can they smell?
Now, I know
It’s time for them to know too
It’s time for you to grab tight to their right hand
Now, I know
Others hurt
Others cry
Others are losing
Now, I know
I must do something
Your hand has led me this far
Now, I know
It’s time for the hurting to be healed
It’s time for the lost to be found
It’s time for the broken to be restored
And Now, I know
So …
What am I going to do?
What am I going to say?
What will I do for …
The begging man on the corner?
The homeless child searching for food?
The prostitute looking for her next job?
The grumpy cashier at the market?
The school girl asking me for 500?
The boda driver sharing his profound love for me?
Now, I know
Now, I know the truth
How am I going to act?
How will I change my ways?
How will I show them love?
How will I get over my selfishness?
Now, I know
To ignore can be no more
Now, I know
How will they?
How will the lost be found?
Now, I know
Now, it’s time they know.