One Day without Shoes

     Today I went without shoes.

Toms (a shoe company that gives a pair of shoes to a shoeless child in a 3^rd world country for every pair purchased) hosted a day without shoes to raise awareness for those children who are less fortunate and have never owned shoes.

It may be argued that children who grow up without shoes are used to it- yes, they are used it and have built up calluses so they aren’t so sensitive to the hard ground, but they often have open sores and cuts on their feet. It is easy to contract tetanus, jiggers, intestinal worms, and other illnesses.

                A pair of shoes could simply save a life.

                        It was just like a fast, a fast from shoes.

As I walked to school and around campus, I felt every rock and crack, burned the bottoms of my feet on the asphalt, and was reminded how delicate my feet are.

                         I have blisters and cuts.

I never realized how much I take shoes for granted, let alone the privilege of owning not just one pair of shoes, but multiple pairs.

I’m so overwhelmed with the privilege of owning shoes!

                       SHOES!!

              How many days do I wake up and struggle in choosing what shoes to wear?

        How many times have I complained about not having shoes to match my outfit? 

      Wow!

What an honour it is that I am among the wealthiest people in this world and get to wear shoes daily!!

           I am praising God for the blessing of shoes!!!

Why do I get to live in America and have so many privileges like shoes when there are billions of people living in extreme poverty??

I just don’t understand why I am so blessed, why I get to do the things I do and have the privileges I have

                What did I do to deserve this life?

                                 Who am I to even own shoes?

Try going without shoes, if not for a day, than at least for a couple hours- walk around the block barefoot or something.

Get a better understanding of what life would be like without shoes and what an honour it is we get to simply have a pair of shoes.

                    Praise God you get to have shoes for your feet!

Remember that time?

'What are you doing after graduation?'

It seems I'm asked this very question 14 times a week. 

                      I wish I had an answer. 

      I wish I had the security of knowing what is next, but I don't. 

             All I know is I can't live a safe life. 

          Jesus is dangerous. 

I can't live holding on.

       I remember that time my entire life course transformed back in 2006. 

   It was at this conference.

         [If I'm going to truly, I mean truly walk in faith, I have to take peace in the Lord.
   I have to take joy in the fact only God knows where the next chapter of my life will lead]

Watch the video. 

   

The One with the Dream

It’s rare for me to go a night without active dreams.           

 Some nights I go to bed praying for God to teach me something.

    And He did…

 This particular dream will be hard to convey.

I woke up weeping.

I was a young boy in this dream,

 which at first I found strange but now I understand, at least more so.

         I was with 4 friends, all of which were young boys too.

We were somewhere in the middle east traveling on a train.

We were abducted by Islam extremists and they took us to a room where they made me watch them beat my 4 friends to death.

There was stabbing, meat pounding, flailing, and other unspeakable things.

Blood was everywhere.

                        Organs were flying around the room.

 I knew exactly what was happening and was forced to watch,

but some of it was censored, I couldn’t handle seeing all this.

I believe God knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

There was blood everywhere.

I couldn’t stop these men.

These boys were innocent, but they followed Jesus.

So why did they make me watch and let me live?

They released me after it was all over and I went back to America and couldn’t talk.

 I just wept.

People were asking me where the other boys were and I couldn’t say anything.

       At this point, I woke up weeping.

The boys age shows innocence.

As well as vulnerability and in need of comforting.

This dream has troubled me since I had it a few months ago.

I weep for those doing the persecution.

I weep b/c they have fallen so deeply into the lies of the devil.

I weep because they are so lost.

I weep for the lives who are taken b/c they follow Jesus.

I weep for the suffering in this world.

            I weep because this is happening every day.

I weep because I did this to Jesus.

I weep because this is not just a dream, but reality.

I weep because God is good.

I asked for a dream and he showed me what is taking place in this world.

I weep because I was not compassionate towards these people (and still struggle), but through this dream I see the brokenness on both sides and now feel broken for them.

God gets all the glory. All the time.

Peace. 

Welcome to the United States.

 In Morocco, there were about 4 or 5 passport checks to get through the airport.

            Those in front of us were stopped and intently checked.

     All except for the initial check, they did not even open our passports once they saw the cover saying “The United States of America”

 In countries like Morocco or Uganda, westerners are often treated like celebrities.

                                    As least, this has been my experience.

As I was going through customs in Atlanta,

I noticed signs saying “Welcome to the United States”

It took me a while to realize them, but once I did I couldn’t help but find them to be of great significance.

Although to me, it means very little.

       I am an American.

            I’m not worried if I have the next meal or if my family has to sell me to afford being alive.

            I know I’ll be taken care of.

To many around the world, the US is only a fantasyland.

                                    It’s a place where there is freedom.

                        This is something that will never be a reality to many.

            Seeing those words “Welcome to the United States” is a dream to many,

                        And yet, it’s something I don’t even notice or appreciate.

           I take too great of an advantage being from America.

No matter how messed up our government may seem or how low our economy appears,

                 we are still a land of freedom that attempts to bring justice.

            We are still considered wealthy because we have food.

                                             We have some sense of security.

We have freedom.

Seeing the words “Welcome to the United States” will never become reality to many who suffer because they were merely born in the wrong land.

I must stop taking advantage of this great wealth I was born into.

      I am so blessed just by being an American citizen and I don’t even realize it.

Can you imagine what is running through the minds of those who are desperate to make it to America and actually do? 

What are they thinking when they see the sign "Welcome to the United States"? 

Jesus, show me.

Peace.

The One with Spain.

Life moves fast.

     I’m currently on a plane back to California to begin my final semester at Biola.

           

Spain was a wonderful adventure.

                        I especially loved our side trip to Morocco!

Before leaving for this journey, my mom and I were talking and she said not to wear a cross necklace into Morocco.

I kinda laughed and just said I didn’t even own a cross necklace.

            I have no idea what prompted her to say this.

                        Fast forward.

Jenny and I were in the subway station on our way to the Madrid airport to catch our flight to Morocco, when my necklace randomly broke.

     It’s one of those long necklaces with a variety of random pieces.

What I didn’t realize was it had a cross hanging off the end.

Noticeably, the biggest part of the necklace.

                 With a simple swipe of my purse, the cross broke off.

         It wasn’t until I picked it up did I realize what just happened.

    I instantly remembered what my mom had told me a few days earlier.

                                                Crazy.

            I guess God was watching our backs. More than I realize I’m quite sure.

            I loved Morocco.

We just wandered around, met some crazy people and learned more about the culture.

Spain was random.

              During the days I wandered around Madrid while Jenny was at her internship.

     I saw most of the city. 

One early morning, I sat in the park (which reminded me of an English garden), reading Pride and Prejudice. It was a foggy morning with the sun shining.

            It was the perfect setting.

      I felt like I was in the story.

            I don’t speak Spanish.

It was pretty ridiculous trying to communicate with those who didn’t speak English.

                I think if I could watch my awkwardness, it would be pretty funny.

Jenny turned 21 while I was there.

            I loved being able to be there to help her celebrate.

 

Jenny is a pretty awesome friend; I’ve known her since I was 4.

                        I’m glad I was able to visit her in Spain.

Peace. 

The One with the Recap

I always have this great plan to blog weekly, but as you can see, that rarely happens.

So I’ll give a quick recap on these past few months.

The Villa.

I live in a house with 5 other girls and it has been a huge blessing! We are all intercultural Studies majors and get along great. We have a fabulous time together and I love going home to them.

Missions Conference.

I have the senior director position of Biola University’s Missions Conference, which is completely student run. It has been such a blessing!! For those of you who don’t know, Missions Conference is a time every spring where Biola cancels classes for 3 days and we bask in Jesus, our call as Christians and to hear what’s happening in this world. This year we are trying something new in the planning process where my co-director and I meet with every department on campus. We met with 42 professors, administers, and/or department staff throughout the fall. Such an honour! Every single one of those meetings was unique and God showed me how blessed I am to be at a school with such quality and God seeking people. I am in awe of Him and don’t deserve to be at this school studying under people who truly seek more of Jesus.

Missions Conference is coming quickly (16-18 March 2011) and there is still a lot to do as we finish planning, but we have a wonderful staff of 90 who are stepping up and going above and beyond their call as staff. Another blessing! I am so overjoyed by the people God has led to Missions Conference. It’s been a privilege to work with our staff, I wish I could personally get to know each staff member, but time limits me.

Virginia Beach.

In October, I got to fly to Virginia Beach. My brother and his fiancé are attending law school at Regent University. My mother and I both flew out there to help Liz go wedding dress shopping. It was fun to see their new lives and to help her dress shop.

Thanksgiving.

This year I spent thanksgiving in skid row. A friend and I went down the day before and spent the night on the roof of the Union Rescue Mission. We didn’t go down with intentions of being helpful or anything, we just wanted to spend the holiday in skid row. We ended up serving in the kitchen both Wednesday and the day of thanksgiving, they needed help and we volunteered. But the majority of our time we just wandered the streets. I met some new friends, my favourite, Garberville Bill. We talked with him for quite a while. He was abducted by aliens 2 years ago and told me all about the good aliens and bad aliens, he says they’re just like good people and bad people. You see there is a fight-taking place in outer space between these aliens. According to Bill, there is a battle for planet Earth because it’s the best planet in all the galaxies since we are the most resourceful planet. But the good aliens are protecting us from the bad aliens taking over. If you ask me, this sounds a lot like angels and demons. Garberville Bill has been on drugs since the 60’s so he has some interesting stories and has a big heart. He is definitely one of my favourites.

Tattoo.

I finally got a new tattoo. My housemates and I were in Hollywood to celebrate the end of finals when some of them wanted to go dancing. The other 3 of us didn’t so we decided we would get tattoos while we waited. I got the word ‘freiheit’ (German) behind my right ear. It means freedom. This word means a lot to me. There are several reasons why that I won’t go into at the moment. In the midst of getting the tattoo, it hit me that I was a getting this tattoo, one with great meaning to me, in the middle of Hollywood, a town that desperately needs true freedom.

Spain.

I am currently on a plane to Madrid (hence the long update). My oldest friend Jenny is currently living there so I am going to visit her. I am ready for another great adventure! On Friday, we are going to Casablanca, Morocco. I’ve always wanted to go there, so you can imagine how excited I am! God is good and always provides!

More later.

Peace. 

The One with Evil.

Lately I've been really angry about death.
The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get.
          I hate how our loved ones leave this planet.
             I hate the pain and brokenness we experience when one dies.
     I hate the hole the deceased leave in a person.
         I hate how broken my heart is over this.

This causes me to think about the root cause of death, sin.
                          evil.
   I am angry I listen to the devil and go against God.
             I am upset I can't just say no.
   I hate that I desire darkness over the light.
      My soul is troubled by evil.
 
   I am constantly realizing how naive I am.
          There is so much evil and pain in this world.

There are serial killers, there are people selling other human lives into a slavery, there is genocide, there is rape, there is abuse, there are human sacrifices, and a million more evil deeds to be added to this list.

I sit here in America, in my comfortable house in southern California with pure freedom when there are people in this world who have never had a day where they don't have to wonder if they'll live to see tomorrow.

I hate this.
     I am bitter towards God right now.
            I am bitter because I can't achieve world peace.
    I am bitter because so many people have lost their innocence.
I am bitter because He gave us free will and we follow the devil instead of Him.
       I am bitter the devil roams this world.
                  I am bitter because I am evil and have no self-control.