The One with Hello Goodbye

My time in New York is coming to a close.

The past week, all I wanted to do was leave.

The City that once seemed so huge was shrinking in around me.

The buildings were moving closer together.

The streets were getting tighter.

The people were multiplying.

What once seemed like a long walk 

became a quick stride down the street.

         My world was getting smaller here.

             I was getting claustrophobic. 

   

But last night, I started to get sad. 

I was on the streets in a nasty storm with my good friend.

I love rain and thunder. 

I love New York at night. 

I love Kjirsten.

       I didn’t want to leave.

Tonight, as I walked through Central Park and through the streets of the city, I got sad again. 

             I can’t seem to make up my mind.

I’ve always been a person who gets unsettled when I’ve been somewhere too long.

          Maybe that’s what my problem is.

          Maybe I’ve explored NY so much that it’s no longer a mystery to me.

          Maybe I’m just restless.

Being here isn’t so much an adventure anymore; it’s just everyday life now.

As I contemplate my feelings about this now, I just get confused. 

       All week I was dreaming of sweet summer in Iowa aka leaving NYC.

              But now, I am sad to leave.

      Perhaps I am allowing myself to be sad because I know I’m leaving

But now I am also thinking of leaving everyone (KJ, Laura, Martha, Etc.)

I’ve never been very good at making decisions, 

this could have something to do with that. 

      Or maybe I’m thinking too much.

I don’t know anymore.

But as I sit here I do know something for sure:

              I need my fields.

              I need my fresh air.

              I need my space.

              I need my breath.

              I need quiet.

              I need to not be able to touch the person next to me.

I never knew until this week how much I love the country and open-space.

Once I’ve been away from home for a while, it’s such a wonderful place to go back to.

Although to be honest, I know I could never live in Iowa again.

It’s just a great place to visit; it’s my childhood.

I can’t wait for summer in Iowa.

There is something sweet about it…

            Whitey’s Ice Cream

            Bike Rides along the Mississippi

            Late Night Runs with Bentley (my dog)

            Going to the Drive-in

            Home-made Ice Cream

            Late nights at Old Chicago for Happy Hour

            The Storms

            Happy Joe’s Taco Pizza

            My Mother’s German meal

            Spending the day in Scott County Park

            Walking to the dog park

            Unplanned trips to Chicago

            Driving across Iowa to Grandma’s farm in Nebraska

            Random Outings with my mother

            Visiting with old friends

After all the places I go, there is no place like home.

And that’s Bettendorf, Iowa :)

Although I do have some time before I get there…But at least I will be in places that are like home & I know just as well.

My Schedule for the rest of summer::

            --Thursday 2am, Train from NYC to Boston (Meeting my friend Joel)

            --Friday, Flight from Boston to Chicago 

            --In Chicago with loved ones for cousin’s wedding until Sunday

            --To Bettendorf Sunday night

            --Monday, Road trip with my best friend Jenny to Nebraska

            --Thursday, Drive to Wisconsin to Jenny’s new house

            --Saturday/Sunday, Drive home to Iowa :)

            --10 days HOME cramming my days full of those ^ & appointments

            --Aug 18, back to LA.

It’s gonna be a bit crazy, but I wouldn’t have anything less.