The One For Lois

The Battle Rages On
For Lois

The fear behind her eyes
Our bodies’ embrace,
The arms cling tight
The salty fluid roll down her hardened face
And make a home on my shoulder
My arms close tighter
My vision begins to blur
My checks run black as the cool liquid runs down
The suffering, I can’t imagine.
I feel pain, my heart aches,
And yet, I don’t know why.
The whisper in her ear
I can barely hear it
Where is it coming from?
It sounds so familiar
Realization
My mouth is moving
That sound is coming from me.
I’m praying
What am I saying?
Nothing.
My lips speak the words of God
My mind can’t make sense
And my ears can’t understand
The street goes silent
The world turns black
A comforting warmth covers our embraced bodies
For a brief moment, peace is felt.
The sufferings and the pain forgotten.
Bowing before Christ,
The spirit comforts us.
Time forgotten,
Hurt forgotten,
Peace is found.
All of the sudden, loud sounds ring in my ears.
The cool, crisp air is felt on my damp cheek.
Transported back to a world of suffering.
No.
I cling tighter,
I want to go back.
She clings tighter,
She too wants to go back.
It finally registers,
Someone is speaking.
My eyes open
There it is
Back to the world of sin.
Something’s different.
The voice grows louder
He says its time to move on.
I loosen my grip,
Afraid to let go
She moves away
Alone in the world
Cold
Hungry
Frightened
I look
Her face not as hard,
Her eyes layered of water.
Wait,
Not yet,
One last embrace
The warmth so brief
The voice calling her name.
She says something
What was it?
It didn’t register.
I smile, trying to hear those words
I say something back
Wait, what did I say?
She turns her back
One last look over her shoulder.
I stand there
I took a piece of her pain,
I feel it,
I will keep it.
She rounds the corner
I take a last look of the woman,
Full of hurt.
I pray a simple prayer,
“Jesus, be with her.
Let her continue to feel you as the battle rages on.”

The One with Joy and Hope

I have something magnificent to share with you. As most of you all know, I have been going down to skid row (where the homeless live in LA) on Friday nights to hand out water and just hang out with the people. Well tonight was a bit of a different night, we usually go down around 10 and leave at like 2 in the morning, but today we went down around 6:30 for some reason. Well seeing as how it was earlier, it was much more lively with some of a different crowd. We got to talk with some amazing people and pray over them, it's great because we are making relationships with people too.

Tonight we spent some time in a large crowd type thing and we all started talking with different people. I was talking to this one man and when done I started to pass out water to a few people standing around. I didn't see my friends so I thought I'd just chat a bit with a random man standing near me. He started telling me how sweet it was that I spend my time caring for people and giving water because when he was my age all he cared about was himself, drinking and partying. He went on and on until I stopped him and was like, "thank you so much for telling me this, it's such a blessing to hear, there is a reason I am like this..." and then proceeded to tell him it's because I long to live like Jesus, as we are called to. I told him all about the joy I have found in God our Savior and that I didn't understand what this meant until I was 18-- I told him some of my story and how Jesus rocked my world. I told him how great our God is and how he has fulfilled me. Anthony, upon hearing this was astonished at the joy I had and how he has never seen someone like me before. He told me he had heard before this living for Jesus stuff but never understood what it meant until right now, seeing it in me. He told me had met tons of Christians who go church all the time and do the good deeds, but he never has met one full of the Holy Spirit with a true desire to live like Him (which is sad to hear, where did the passion go?) It was as if God used me to connect the dots, I literally watched a light go on in him. Seeing this I took the opportunity to tell the story of Jesus and how marvelous and wonderful His story is. I explained the love of God to Anthony and who knows what else -- the holy spirit took my mouth and talked for the Lord, telling Anthony of what a great maker we have and so on. I have no idea what most of the stuff I said, I was blindly saying words, but they struck Anthony. I told him he could be saved and shared about salvation. He asked how to say a prayer so I asked if he wanted to receive Christ into His life and he said YESS!!!! I was so excited. He repeated the prayer after me and then I laid hands on him and prayed for Him. I felt the Holy Spirit present. I am so so so so excited for him! Talking with him after was awesome! He had the joy I had ! I saw it in him and I heard it. I asked him about it and he was in awe. He said he hasn't ever felt so joyful!! I talked to him for a bit more and got his number. I told him to start reading Mark and that I would call him tomorrow. He got so excited-like a little kid- and was thrilled because no one had ever called him (sad how the simple things to us are a big deal to others). He even said we can talk about the Bible and Jesus. Saying goodbye he told me He is so grateful because he has never had hope before!

I never intended to be God's vessel to lead this man to Christ, I was just going to chat with him while I waited for my friends. I am exploding with joy!! God was preparing his heart for this chance meeting and it's such an honor to be used by Him, I don't deserve it.I am so unworthy of this yet I still get to show the love of Jesus on others!!!

I am asking for prayer for our new brother in Christ, Anthony.

-First of all, GIVE GLORY TO THE LORD FOR HE IS GREAT!!!! REJOICE IN HIS NAME!!

-Pray he will plug into a church and find a mentor--such as a pastor

-Pray he stays clean from alcohol (Been sober for 2 years already) and continue with aa meetings (he wants me to go to one next week with him, I am going to go God willing)

-Pray the Lord will cure his anxiety

-Pray He will see God as the Father who will never leave him (as his earthly one did)

-Pray Christ will continue to reign in His life and he will grow immensely in Him

-Pray He can be a light for those around him on the streets

-Pray He learns what it means to be a follower of Jesus and will desire more of Him.

I ask for your prayers for Anthony, also I ask you spread his name in request for prayer. The more, the better.

GOD IS GOOD AND HE REIGNS!!

Jesus loves you

Peace.

The One With Skid Row

Lately, I have been going down to Skid Row on Friday Nights, spending time handing out water to the homeless and spending time in fellowship with them- praying, playing guitar, talking, and/or just being. I love it. Last night seems extra awesome (except of course for the time my mother went with me :) ) . Usually we leave around 9:15, but this time we couldn't leave until 10 so we were late getting down there. God stalled us for a reason, a reason I want to share with you-- The four of us, each carrying a flat of water, were walking down 5th street in pursuit of finding the other 4 people we were meeting up with and as we passed by people sleeping, sitting, or walking we gave them water. One man walking the other way grabbed the bottle and asked for prayer, of course this is not something that happens too often, so I was excited. Naturally, I asked his name and if there was something specific. He told us how he just graduated in June valedictorian but he has struggles with addiction and this has landed him on the streets. He knows Christ but appears to be in a time of darkness. As soon as I laid hands on him to pray, electricity was beaming from my fingers-causing a shock like feeling and the Holy Spirit flooded over me. I have no idea what was prayed but I do remember propheting over his life -- this man is gonna do awesome things for God and I am so excited, every-time I think about or pray for Him this joy I can't explain over me just sweeps me off my feet. I am so so so pumped for him!!! He is going to be a leader and through him, others will come to follow Christ. He is going to do wonderful things and God is going to use this time on the streets for His glory!! I could go on but I have so much more to share.

At the end of our prayer session with him, another man was praying with us- I have no idea when or where he came from- he was just there when I opened my eyes. But anyway, he asked for prayer too. He didn't speak english, he spoke spanish. My high school german didn't help with interpreting what he wanted but fortunately a couple of the people I was with took Spanish in high school. He too struggles with addiction, and is having a hard time finding steady work. We laid hands on him and the holy spirit came too. Awesome time of prayer!! He too is gonna come out of this dark time and live for Him!! While we were still talking with him, another man walked up- so I went to him and he started to tell me about himself without me asking. He needed someone to talk to I think. I found out his story, very sad like most people down there. He has his Ph.D and yet, is without a home- I do have to say he was cleaner and had nicer clothes on then most of the folks I have met. Basically, his ex-wife cleaned him out and now he is on the streets and can't find a job at the moment. As I was praying over him, a couple came up and asked for prayer as well. I nodded since I was in the middle of praying and when I finished, I looked over at her and she was crying. I have no idea why, but I saw the pain in her eyes. She then tried to hide it and said "oh goodness, I'm gonna get beat up out here." and proceeded to try to stop. I just laid my hands on both of them-Lois and Daryl- and began to pray. The Holy Spirit was there and I know they have been surrounded by angels for protection. When I was done praying, Lois and I just held each other. I don't know how long, but it was a while. I talked a bit to her, trying to encourage her and help her find strength in the Lord. We eventually said goodbye.

In the meantime, the others had been trying to talk with the spanish speaking man. They too said goodbye and we met up with the other folk we came to meet.

I know God planned our late arrival for a reason. Had we of been on time, we would have probably of moved onto 6th street at the time we passed the first man. We never would have met him and none of the other people would have stopped for prayer. It's crazy how God works! he knows so much better then I could ever plan. These people stopped in humility, in desperation. They saw something in us causing them to approach us.

Also, It was obvious the police had gone through the area earlier doing a "sweeping" (where they randomly ticket and/or arrest everyone) because no one was in their usual spot and there weren't as many people as usual. Had they not of disorganized the streets, we never would have stopped to pray where we did. God is good!

We spent the remainder of the night on 6th street-talking, praying, and handing out water. I could go on and on telling stories of each person I met, they all are interesting, but I won't bore you. Although the last lady we talked with was very interesting. She was possessed and flat out told us she had demons living in her. We wanted to call them out in the name of Jesus but she wouldn't let us. At the time I let her tell me no, now I regret this, we should have just done it. I don't know what we were thinking, maybe it was her rambling about the drugs she had in her hand, the 6 names she has, or the fact that she was kissing us, but I regret it. I pray for her. I hope to see her next week so I can call them out, whether she's ok with that or not.

It was a good night, so many people just need someone to talk to, to show them they are worthy, to show them random strangers care, to show them God loves them.

The thing that sickens me is the way we view the homeless. So often we look at them and categorize them with prejudice thoughts. It's so easy to do so. I do it. I try so hard not to but I still do it. It's easy to look at the man on the corner as a screw-up, not a person. They too have a family, they too have a story, they too have a soul, they too have been formed God's image, they too are loved and adored by Christ, they too were bought with the blood of Jesus. We often look at them with pride and a thinking that we are better then them. But that is far from true. We are just as screwed up, we have sinned just as much, we have addictions too. Perhaps not the same, maybe it's addictions to money, to success, to politics, to busywork, to material goods, to sin. Don't get me wrong, I am not here to judge anyone, I am here to say that I am just as messed up as the people on the streets, if not more. I struggle with humility. I am learning what it looks like to be humble through grace. The friends I have made in skid row have been humble enough to accept me, to accept my arrogance, to accept my screwed up self. They have honored me with there friendship and they have allowed me to learn what it means to be like Christ, who was homeless.

God is moving down there. He is doing some great things. While I may not be able to see it, I can feel it. I am so excited to see what is going to happen. There is definitely a battle for this place, a spiritual one is raging on. However, we all know who prevails in the end-- Jesus! There's still a lot of work to be done, but it's gonna be good.

The One With A Man

I know this man, in fact I am in love with Him.
He did something for me that takes my breath away.
He was beaten so bad He was unrecognizable, He was tortured in ways I can't imagine.
He was killed for me.
He has freed me from sin.
He loves me even though I go against His Word and sin daily.
He even blesses me all the time.
He has healed me and I mean literally.
He has transformed my life.
Because of Him I will have eternal life in a place I cannot comprehend.
He is a big deal.
He is the Son of God.
His name is Jesus.

I highly suggest you meet Him.
He knows you better then you know yourself.
He knows every move you make, every thought you think.
He will meet you wherever you are.
This is the most important decision you will make, ever.
You can reject or accept.
In your hands//heart is the consequence or the reward.




This is not a religion.
This is a relationship.

The One Where I am Back in the West

This post is long over due. Apparently 3 am is an inspiring time to write. I have been back in Iowa for a good 5 weeks now. [The foods been great!] It’s been an interesting 5 weeks, included with trips to the ER as a patient and dressed in scrubs. I brought home a souvenir that scared the crap out of my family—A staph infection. It was in my armpit, I noticed it at first in Rwanda but I thought it was just razor burn. Then it got sore and by the time I got back to the US it decided to take over. I think it started out as razor burn but something got into the opening of the skin, probably from the water or something. I’ll spare you the details but it got pretty nasty and on a rare weekend when all 5 of us were actually together I showed it to them. Eric freaked. He was convinced I was going to die; this led the rest of my fam to think the same; forcing me to have the privilege of experiencing the worst pain of my life. [I changed my mind, I’m not gonna spare you all the details]. The doc had to dig around in my armpit with a knife, probably the size of a machete. And I’m talking deep. At least an inch and that’s not even exaggerating, that’s what my mom said (who doesn’t exaggerate). He tried to numb it but it was just too deep. He cleared everything out in about 10 minutes or so but it felt like 10 hours. That was about 4 weeks ago, it’s all healed except for bruising. The nice thing is the hair is minimal now. So not worth the pain though.

2 days later, I began EMT school at the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics. I just took my final Monday and passed with a 95%, not to brag or anything. In that time I did clinical time in the ER here in Iowa City and ambulance ride time with Johnson County. I got to see and help with a lot of cool things—especially since it’s a university hospital where they get all the cool stuff. To be nationally certified I have to take the national practical exam. There are 2 parts to it: the written and the mock calls. I did the most nerve-racking yesterday and have yet to take the written. There where 3 different scenarios I was put into. The first was cardiac arrest, so basically CPR and putting a tube in. the 2nd was trauma where a woman had a huge laceration in her leg, including having cut her artery, and the third was a chest pain. I had to go into these rooms where a national grading person sat and determined if we passed or failed. I was so nervous, but I prayed and felt confident. I went in there and kicked butt. I basically got into a zone and ignored the fact that this was such a big deal.

I’m finally going to Chicago this weekend to see Joy and Jenny. Oh, and picking Eric up at O’hare on Monday. I do look forward to hearing his stories about Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. The lucky duck, I wanna go to Asia! And a week from Monday, I’m having ankle surgery. LAME!!! Not the kind of thing I want to be doing in the summer. But it’s been a year and a half since I injured it so it’s about time I guess.

Adjusting has been interesting and defiantly not easy. I have been able to stay in touch with a few friends through email and facebook, it’s just hard for them because most of them have to go to internet cafes to access the internet. I miss it a lot. I try to not to talk about it. I try not to think about it. I try not to look at pictures. That’s probably not good, but it hurts too much. In fact, I’m getting tears in my eyes thinking about it. I think that’s why I don’t want to do an update. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind if people ask me about it, it's when I have to dig and see faces and places to get an answer that sucks. I love those questions that are easy to answer without going into a memory. It's a selective memory I've got. I feel it’s easier to go about my daily life here and just focus on that and not let my mind drift to Africa. On those days when I do think about it, I don’t allow it to go very far. The second details come into my mind is the second I switch it off. I’m really good at ignoring things and not dealing with them. I don’t really know if any of this makes any sense but I don’t know how else to explain it. I can’t talk about this anymore. Sorry.

Have a good night/day.

Peace.

The One With the Sad Good Byes.

Humpf. This will probably be one of my last posts. In the morning, I am going to Rwanda to learn about the genocide and their country since. I am sure it will be interesting but I don't want to go. Saying good-bye to my family was hard. One of my brothers cried all day. My mama didn't know we were leaving today until last night and when she found out she just cried...it made me sad so I just hugged her. I don't think I will say much more about that. it's not been easy. But I will say that I know this is not the last time I will see them, whether it be again in this life time or rejoicing to the Lord in Heaven. For this, I am grateful!!

I just wanted to let you all know I won't be on here for awhile so don't expect anything. Thanks for all the prayers and support!! I really appreciate it!

Peace

The One With My Messy Life but Clean Heart

I am feeling bittersweet at this point. The end is near---which means no more homework, but that also means I will have to leave my family. I only have one more paper and a presentation, neither are due till Tuesday so I thought I would do another, hopefully more in depth update instead of working ahead. I am also waiting for my brother to get here for lunch…he said he was coming 2 hours ago, but then again he is Ugandan and that is how time works here.

I have so much to say, but the words don't come as easily as I hoped. I have not told much about the things I see, experience, and feel. I have only told a tiny percentage of life in Uganda, but I think I am on overload, there is so much to process.

The other day, I was walking to school and one of the girls I often greet gave me an envelope. In it were some letters asking me to pay for her school fees, books, uniform, food, and shoes. I am not sure how to respond, I know I can't just give her money. It's policy here (USP) but also, people can't be dependent on the Mzungu, and if I were to give the $$$ they would expect every white person to give something. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have been asked for money or food because they are hungry. The locals view the white man as a hero who has all the money in the world and bring luck. But in reality, we are just like them. We hurt. We are broke. We are desperate for a hero too. When I first got here, my sister told me how the neighbors would ask if we bathe, if we eat, if we sleep, if we use the toilet, and so on. It is sad that some people don't realize we are humans just like them. They think we are fragile and could easily break. I don' t know where these rumors come from but they don't realize we are one with them in Christ. The average Ugandan views the Mzungu as the savior, but in reality the only one who can give eternal joy and answer the needs is Jesus. He may choose or choose not to use the Mzungu as a tool. I get frustrated with many Christians here (US too, but this is about Uganda) who forget they need to be looking to Christ for help instead of to me. I am not the one who can save them, sure I can give them some Shillings, but that will only last so long until they need more and have to beg from another Mzungu. They should be putting their faith in Christ and in the eternal healing only He can provide.

Sometimes it’s the trials that make us complete, trusting in God is His desire. He wants us to be holy, but a problem occurs when we don’t want to be holy. God gives us the trials to be formed to the person He desires. If my greatest desire in life is to become like God and to be pure, then going through pain will get me closer to Him. In the times of trials, using praying and asking God for strength and eyes to see will be the only way to come out stronger and closer with Him. Jesus Christ did not come to save us from pain but to save us from sin. We are to expect pain. God sees everything, He sees beyond the trials and knows things are happening for a reason. We need to trust Him and know that He is forming. Persevering and standing through the trials with God at my side will be the only way to pass. Sadly, many people and even myself look at the hardships of life and blame God, they blame Him for not fixing all their problems and even for not fixing the problems of the world. Why do people blame Him? Sure, He allows these things to happen but surely there is a reason for this. Why is life so unfair and so many are hurting? Why does He allow such pain? In the book Compassion he says “The mystery of God’s love is not that our pain is taken away, but that God first wants to share that pain with us." God could take the pain away, but He has chosen not to because He wants to be a part of it with us. He values our relationship with Him so much that He wants us to come to Him. At the end of the trial, I can look back and see the growth I have made and the growth I have made in Him.

“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you” (John 16:22, ESV).



I have decided to share with you all some excerpts from a paper I wrote.

The call has not been made to simply the disciples or myself, but every Christian has been called to take part in the Great Commission. As mentioned in class, it is time people stop sitting around waiting for the “I am called” moment and/or using another excuse. It doesn’t matter the color of one’s skin, the location in which they live, or the amount of money in their pocket, if one truly claims Jesus is Lord, then they have no reason to ignore the call He has made to all His people. We are given one life to live; if the love of Christ is sincerely in one’s heart, then living for His name is the most invigorating act one can carry out.

Many Christians mistakenly assume the Great Commission is only for the ones who have “been called” to live cross-culturally as Christian expatriates; however, once one has called on the name of Jesus Christ to forgive their sins and enter their hearts, they too are called to the Great Commission with no going back. To ignore this call is to be insincere about the faith one has in Christ. In Compassion, we are told to find those who are suffering and build a home there because that is the way of Christ. People are hurting all over the world, including my home country and even my hometown. There are many ways to partake in the Great Commission, whether that be going to China and planting a church or staying home and working in an office building, as long as the committed Christian lives a lifestyle for Jesus and evangelizes the Gospel to others. Personally, I do not know where the Lord is calling me to live and work or even what to do with my life, but I do know I need to stay faithful to Him and take my minor role in the Great Commission seriously.
....
With my future this near and the ever-dreaded “what are you doing with your life?” question being asked more often, I dwell on my possibilities. In Jinja, I saw a desperate need; there are many underdeveloped countries that lack suitable medical facilities. But then Luweero gave me a better understanding of the importance of staying and living locally. Before coming to Uganda, I was determined to get out of America and venture off to a foreign country where I could somehow assist in a medically enhanced manner. Now that I am in a foreign country that lacks proper medical equipment and sanitation, reality has struck me causing me to get selfish and to fight an internal struggle. Part of me wants to stay where it’s comfortable. I want to stay where I don’t have to worry about running out of medical equipment. I want to stay in the cleanliness and comfort of the west. But am I supposed to? Isn’t part of being a Christian going out of my comfort zone? And how much of a light can I be in a developed country? Or is going to another location in the world selfish when people are hurting in my own backyard? What if I go into the inner city or do some kind of work with immigrants? Or am I just coming up with excuses for wanting to stay where I am more comfortable?

In a moment of deep thought and frustration about my future, I looked up and read the words brightly painted on my family’s wall over the archway, serving me a reminder, “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion which can never be shaken, never be moved (Psalm 125:1).” It struck me, I am sitting here, frustrated and discouraged about this paper, but more importantly with the nebulous path I am to take in life, yet I shouldn’t be. The slap Jesus just gave me helped my anxiousness to leave and the frustrations to dwindle. As long as I stand firm in my faith, Christ will lead me where I ought to be. God also reminded me of similar frustrations I had last semester and the words He clearly told me then, “That is for Me to know, not you. Have faith child.” I should not be looking to the future with anxiety but with joy in not knowing.

Now when asked, “what do you want to do?” I realize the only significant and worthy answer consists of, “I want to live my life for Jesus because He is the Resurrected King.” In His own timing and not mine, Christ will fill in the blank pages of my story something not so easy to always accept. But then again, peeking ahead will spoil the next page or even worse, the conclusion.

I sit here unsure of my future, unsure of what I really want to do, unsure of the Lord’s plan for my life, but I know that as long as I continue to listen to the little whisper He so often calls me with, I will be who I want to be: a daughter of the almighty God. He has called me to find those suffering in my midst and to be with them, something I can do and must do without relying on my physical location in this world.



This kinda shows you all where I am at right now. 100% unsure of life. I can tell you my plans till mid June, but not much past that. Sure I plan on going back to Biola next semester and finishing the next 2 years there, but how easily that could change. A few days ago, I was freaking out about my future (I do not easily stress). I was full of questions and frustrated with the lack of knowing. But now, I am 100% ok with this and just want to live with joy knowing Jesus is in my heart and will lead me on a path He has already shaped.

I am in a place in my life right now where I have no answers, not even for the letter the girl on my walk home gave me. All I can talk about is Jesus and His great love and desire for His creation to recognize Him and praise Him. Oh how He deserves all the glory. He is with me in my trials and knows the other end will be better off then my plan. My life may be messy before my eyes, but my heart is right and sings joy to the Lord!

OH HOW GLORIOUS AND WONDERFUL OUR MAKER IS!! TO HIM BE THE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER!!


Peace

The One With the Headless Chicken

I hope you all had a good easter! it is so good to know that the Lord has resurrected!!
We went to church and came home and had a big lunch. i guess some things stay the same from culture to culture. My brother and i went on an easter egg hunt. We found lots of eggs! we even scrambled some later and they were quite tasty.

On Saturday, I killed a chicken and then disected it for the meat. It was quite interesting. My brother now thinks I am more man. haha. i was going to try and post pics on here, but the internet won't let me, perhaps i will try facebook instead.

I really don't have much time to be on here, but I wanted to give y'all a quick update. I had to write a poem for my African Lit class, just so you know i am horrible poet and kinda embarrassed by it but i will post it b/c i want to make it look like i wrote a long update.




I searched, I yearned
Yet here you were
You were waiting with open arms
My blindness hid you from me
Now, I know
Now I clearly see
You are holding my right hand
You are the father of love
Now, I know
Your love has given us free will
My finger slipped but harder you grabbed
You are father of all
Now, I know
My free will desires you most of all
There is nothing I crave besides you
Now, I know
You are the clouds
You are the seas
You are the blades of grass
You are all around me
Now, I know
I see you Jesus, I see you
I feel you in the wind
I hear you in the thunder
I smell you in the flowers
I taste you in the matoke
You are all around me
You are the strength of my heart
Now, I know
Now, I smell
Now, I hear
Now, I see
Now, I taste
Now, I feel
But can others?
Can they hear?
Can they see?
Can they taste?
Can they feel?
Can they smell?
Now, I know
It’s time for them to know too
It’s time for you to grab tight to their right hand
Now, I know
Others hurt
Others cry
Others are losing
Now, I know
I must do something
Your hand has led me this far
Now, I know
It’s time for the hurting to be healed
It’s time for the lost to be found
It’s time for the broken to be restored
And Now, I know
So …
What am I going to do?
What am I going to say?
What will I do for …
The begging man on the corner?
The homeless child searching for food?
The prostitute looking for her next job?
The grumpy cashier at the market?
The school girl asking me for 500?
The boda driver sharing his profound love for me?
Now, I know
Now, I know the truth
How am I going to act?
How will I change my ways?
How will I show them love?
How will I get over my selfishness?
Now, I know
To ignore can be no more
Now, I know
How will they?
How will the lost be found?
Now, I know
Now, it’s time they know.

The One With The Lion King

Here I am sitting on the last day of official classes, less than a week before finals and a million papers are due and I have mixed feelings. I want classes to be over, I want to be done with papers and presentations, but once they are done, this means I only have a short time before we leave for Rwanda and then fly back to the states. While the calender tells me I still have about a month here, I know the time will fly by and quite frankly, a month is not long enough. I only have 2 weeks left with my family :(.

Last weekend, I got to go on a safari. All I could think of is the Lion King. We saw lions, and elephants (in fact and elephant charged at our car, luckily we had just started driving away), and water buffalo, and all kinds of other animals. Hippos even camped with us at our camp site. Also, a warthog (which I call Pumba) stuck its nose in our tent. I got to hear a leopard catch its prey-- a lovely sound. There are many strange sounds that animals make, especially late at night.

Sorry this is going to be short. I need to be a good student for the first time this semester and write a paper....


Peace

The One With Life.

First of all, I would like to sincerely thank everyone who sent me a card and/or box. It means a lot to me that you took the time out of your day and thought of me. I recommend not sending any more packages becasue the mail system is random and can't count on a delivery before I leave for Rwanda.

I am not really sure what to update anymore. Life here is just like living daily life, I am so used to it it's hard to know what people would want to read. I will try to give something.

Last Friday we went on a field trip to the Buganda Parliment building and the Kabaca's Palace. Having been to a lot of touristy places like these in the past, I felt these were rather more plain looking. On the land of the Kabaca's Palace is an underground torture area. I don't know how many of you have seen The Last King of Scotland about the president Idi Amein who regined in the 70's. The man giving us the tour said the president's actions were much worse then seen in the movie. In the torture chamber they filled it with water and put lines of electricity running into the water. Also while we were in this chamber, in the last room there were a bunch of bones. We were told they were remains from the many people killed. Once one entered this area, they weren't coming out alive. In this place, I could feel an intense dark spiritual battle. It was hard to witness. I can't imagine what Rwanda is going to be like. I just watched Sometime in April last night, it's about the 1994 genocide. If you want to cry for 2 hours, I recommend that movie. The thing that makes it so hard is the reality it is. I was watching it and thinking this is true- 800,000 people killed in 100 days. How could people do this to one another?

On a brighter note, I went to Kampala on Saturday to watch a couple of friends get baptized. It took place at Lake Victoria and on the same beach was at least a thousand of indivduals dancing and singing and many of them to be what looked liked to be getting baptized. However, we found out it was actually a colt and people were money to be dunked in the water for "healing."

Yesterday, I spent the day hanging out with my sister. We had a lot of fun and it was nice to have a low key day.

Our house has been under construction for the past few weeks so everything has been crazy. I finally put my mosiquto net back up last night and yet I still managed to get attacked with many bites. My hands are covered in bites. The other night one of our dogs ate one of our cats. I bet it tasted like chicken...

I know there is more I could say, but for today I am done with an update. I have homework I need to be doing.


Peace.

The One With The Fight Against The Nile

Sorry, it’s been a while. Lots has happened and frankly, I’d rather live my life then type about it. But I will still be kind to my mother and update. Considering she called me yesterday just to beg for an update...

--By the grace of God, I got to go rafting on the Nile. Also, by the grace of God, I survived. Last Friday, a group of 26 American students set out for Jinja where we stayed in a youth hostel with hot showers! This was my first shower in over 2 months. It was actually a very strange feeling, but my back is the cleanest it’s been and I hadn’t washed my hair in 8 weeks, I did that too!

Saturday morning we woke, ate breakfast, put on a helmet and life vest, and jumped into the back of a truck. We made our way down to the Nile and split into groups of 5 or 6, got a raft, a guide, grabbed a paddle, and began our adventure down the Nile. My group included 3 IMME and 3 USE students, it was good to mix it up with some on-campus students. Team Smashley (changed to the name of Flashy Smashy by our guide) consisted of Nicole, Chuck, Emily, Kristen, and Ashley with the team guide as Nathan- a 24 yr old with the sweetest job ever. He is professional kayaker and has traveled around the world for competitions. He was pretty awesome and quite hilarious.

We began our journey down the Nile with some flat water so the guide could explain safety and what to do. Within 5 minutes of being on the raft, we came upon some grade 2 rapids, just before reaching them our guide was like “Jump out.” All 6 of us just looked at one another debating whether or not he was serious (he liked to joke a lot) and when he said it again, we al just did it and jumped. We were the only boat to do this. Ha. We “floated” the rapids and were allowed back in the boat, it was actually pretty fun. Another 5 minutes in the boat and going over more orientation crap and flipped the boat. Good practice for the rapids I spose. I just found this whole thing quite funny. The guide was crazy and everything was striking me as hysterical.

We made our way further down the Nile and reached our first major rapid of a grade 4. We made it through just fine and got to the next rapid named 50/50, which should really be called 95/5. Almost instantly our boat decided it didn’t like us anymore so it flipped us out. On the way out of the boat, I managed to get into a fight with my paddle, but don’t worry I beat its butt. The Nile was waiting for me; it too wanted to fight, it put up a good one too. It held me under but I’m feisty and was ready to fight. I fought back and was able to get some air before round 2. This happened a few more times until I punched hard and got out of that current. I just rode the rest of the rapids in the water. I was having a blast, I never had the thought I could drown—the only thought I had similar to that is, oh I should get some air. Thinking about it now, I find that strange. But seriously all I could think was I need to get one of these, it’s so fun. Each time the current pulled me under, I just said ‘oh no you didn’t, I gots to breath and you don’t so try me, I will win.’ -which I did. I did end up with a fat lip and new tattoo on my face. It looks quite lovely. Well, once I got outta that spot and down the rapids, I was having so much fun I forgot to get rescued. It didn’t even cross my mind until a kayaker came outta nowhere and made me stop having so much fun and grab his kayak. He took me to my upside down raft, where everyone was already waiting; we flipped it over and hopped on.

The next rapid came around the bend and was a 5, the longest and hardest one of the day. It gave us a good ride. We stayed in the boat this time. We did a few more rapids ranging from 3-5 and then had a break in between so we all jumped in the water and floated some of the way. But the funniest part is when I went to jump, I was told to do a canon ball and when I went to do it, I slipped and did the best belly flop in town.

We got back in and did a few more rapids, tried to flip our boat but we couldn’t. Team Smashley just had too much skill. We had another stretch between rapids so we had the coolst picnic ever. We ate fresh pineapple floating down the Nile, looking at the monkey, water snakes (no thanks) and HUGE lizards. This time we weren’t allowed to get in the water because they have crocodiles in this part of the Nile.

We finally got to the next rapid, only it wasn’t a rapid; it was a freakin waterfall! I am not kidding or exaggerating on this, its name is even Bujagali Falls. This time, due to the recommendation of the guide and the shallowness of the area and rocks everywhere, we decided to try and stay in the raft. We went down and were quickly losing balance, tipping the boat. All of us started tumbling towards the water, but somehow stayed in. it boggles my mind. When we were clear of the rapid, we all stared at one another in disbelief. All we could think was ‘what just happened? How are we still in this raft?’ for like 5 minutes we couldn’t believ we were still in the raft. At one point, I was literally touching the water when the raft began tipping. Jesus held us in. that’s the only explanation I can get to.

As the boat moved towards the next level 5 rapid, we found out the name of it is The Dead Dutch Man. A man died trying to go down the rapid with just a jerry can and he died. Yeah, that wasn’t the best idea. There is no way any one would survive without the proper equipment. Well after the rapid there is a section of the river that forms a little holding pool tyoe thing. Apparently right after the rapids and edged on a rock towards the holding water was a dead body. I never saw it, thankfully, but a lot of my friends did. at first, they thought it wsa fake, but the guides made it evident that it wasn’t. they tried distraction techniques too. The body was turning colors and with the detail and description from those who saw it, it was real. The guides made it clear it was real, though they had never seen it before. I’m glad I didn’t see it.

We went on because there was nothing we could do. We got to the next few rapids and tried flipping, but couldn’t for some reason. I guess it’s because we are too awesome.

Around the next bend, I heard the loudest set of rapids and became anxious, but right before we reached them, we were told to paddle to the shore. We had to get out because the grade of this one was a 6+. It was wicked! One of the kayakers went through it (and survived), it was crazy intense. We carried the raft towards the end of the rapid, but not quite to the end. We put the boat back in the water and got in. this was the only time I was genuinely nervous/scared. We rafted through the last section of the rapid and did not die. The boat before us landed in a whirlpool area upside down, trapping some of the peeps under for a good minute. I was so nervous! But we made it through. I am surprised we didn’t flip. It was nuts!
We got out of the boats and loaded a truck and went to a BBQ. The perfect way to end a full day of rafting. I want to go again! Anyone wanna come over and go?? It’s the perfect excuse.

The rest of the time in Jinja was spent hanging around. Some of us went to a Chinese restaurant. We were curious about Ugandan Chinese food. I must say, it was quite tasty. Some people went bungee jumping, but I decided not to so I could experience my first time falling through the air with my mother when we go skydiving. ☺

Peace.

The One where I Ask for Prayer

I don't have time this week to do a real update, I actually have homework to do...

But I am requesting prayer for my brother here in Uganda. I cannot go into further detail as to why at this time, but please please pray.

Thank you all so much!! I know how powerful prayer is and the more people pray the better! The Lord is so good!!

The One Where I Don't Have Time To Actually Update

This isn't really an update, but I just thought I would let y'all know I put some pictures from Kapchorwa up on Facebook. Check em out!

The One With The Mountains.

Another Installment from the bush.

On my second day, I had another interesting visitor to my bed. This time it was a little bigger and a little more startling than the previous ones. It was a chicken! The chickens go where ever they want and the door to my room didn't close all the way and one early morning one jumped up onto my bed. It was hilarious but not my kind of alarm clock.

On the subject of interesting animal stories, after a week in our home stays all 38 students went to Sipi Falls and stayed there for a couple days. One day we went hiking in the mountains and I hadn't eaten for a couple days so that wasn't the smartest idea. The trails here don't zig zag up like in America, but the trail goes pretty much straight up/down. It was hard. I only fell going down twice. I found this quite remarkable. The ankle didn't appreciate this but whatev. It was gorgeous but a strenuous hike, in fact there was a section of it that had a ladder made becasue it wsa so steep. First, we hiked down to the bottom of the falls and then went up the other side. Well, being weak from no food for 2 days and going up so fast caused a major drop in blood sugar. I was about to pass out, so I stopped. I was shaking really bad so a friend gave me a juice box and it helped get sugar into me. As we continued climbing, the Lord taught me humility. I have a hard time accepting help for some reason. But I couldn't do it alone. One of the local Ugandans took my hand to help me steady myself. At first, I fought off his hand because I was determined to do it alone, however, God was like "girl, you are gonna learn humility and accept help becasue otherwise you ain't gonna make it." So after a struggle with myself, I allowed him to help me. At first, I was not ok but as time went on, I learned how to accept the help. It was such a silly way to learn such an important lesson. But now I am glad for it. As we were crossing the main road to continue on with the hike, some others had decided to go back and I knew I needed to too so I wouldn't pass out on anyone. We walked the main road back. It was much easier then the side of the mountain. We got back and I drank more juice. I felt a million times better so I decided to take a shower. There are 2 showers and my friend was in one, so I took the other and the door didn't latch all the way. In the middle of my shower the door opened and a cow walked in! I couldn't believe my eyes! A cow was in my shower with me! It just wanted a drink of water. Ha! That was definietly a memorable shower.

After some of us cleaned up we went to a coffee plantation. We learned all the steps, well in Africa, it takes just to make a cup of coffee. It was really interesting. We made our own cup of coffee right off the plant! It was delicious! The freshest cup I've ever had.

The next morning was Sunday so we took a little jaunt up to the tippy top of the mountain. It was gorgeous!! We could see all the land for kilometers! We had an awesome worship service up there!

Back to my time with my family in Kapchorwa [sorry, I am jumping all over the place]. My mom there is only 32-- her eldest is 15. You do the math. She is young and I think we clicked so well becasue we were more of friends, I dunno. She is an amazing woman! I really look up to her! Her faith is so strong! Every morning she came into my room at 6:30 to wake me up and pray with me but then she wouldn't let me get up yet. She made me go back to sleep until 8. Which feels like I am sleeping in when I wake up at 8! I get excited to sleep till then! How weird is that?! I remember when I was in America and slept until 1 in the afternoon... Anyways, our morning prayers blessed me so much! I was talking with her about how grateful I am for having the opportunity to join their family and she goes "You know, God is amazing! It's so good to see how he plans these things out. He knew before either of us were born that we would have this experience with one another. He has blessed my family with your presence."

I wish I could continue writing, but I have to read a book for class in 40 minutes...

More later.
Peace.

The One With Compassion

Another Installment from Kapchorwa.

One of my cousins in rural Uganda works for Compassion International-- for those of you who don't know what Compassion is it's a child sponsorship organization. They range from small children and you can even sponsor students to attend a university- there are some students here on campus sponsored.
Well, I had the privilege of chatting with him and asking him questions, it was amazing to be on the receiving side. My little 6 year brother is sponsored. As lame as this sounds, I never thought much about the sponsored children. I saw them as a poor little kid who had nothing to eat and I pitied them. But my eyes were opened. Benja is a happy, healthy little boy who loves doing little boy things just like any little boy in America. He is human, not a picture. I never realized how much brings into a community when a child is sponsered. It provides schooling for a child, thus paid teachers. Gives clothes, thus seamstresses. It gives a healthy amount of food, thus more for the farmers. And the cycle continues. Yes, the community recieved a push from peeps in America, but now they can sustain businesses and have money for the necessities of life. The economy of the local area recieved a major boost from the outside and I cannot tell you how amazing this is to see!!

Along similar lines, it's not just the West helping those in need. It's the ones who need that are helping! Every Sunday, my mother goes to a "party" with fellow women of the community. I had the honor to attend while in Kapchorwa. Each woman brings what money they have left from the week and puts it together and it provides schooling costs (school is not free here) for one of their children. Since not all kids in the area are sponsered, the community takes care of them. With the little money left over each week and instead of keeping it for themselves or saving it, they pull it together and do this amazing thing when they have little themselves. I was/am so blown away by this. This is the body of Christ in action!


Another Kapchorwa installment to come later. And one with pictures-- it won't let me add any today.

Peace.

The One With the Rural Beginnings.

I am back from Kapchorwa. I had an AMAZING week! So much to tell and not a lot of time, I will have to do this in separate installments.

First of all, I can eat again! Not a lot and random days I still can’t, but I am getting there. The family I stayed with didn’t understand the fact I can’t eat a lot so I got really good at feeding the chickens and dog when they weren’t looking. I also played with the food to make it look like I was eating. I got good at that too.

I am also a little surprised I left without a husband, or at least a fiancé. Not kidding, I got proposed to 7 times in 10 days. All by different guys too. My second night there, my mom was trying to arrange a marriage with the neighbor who is 29! A little old for my taste. His name was Sam and for the remainder of the week he kept bringing it up. In this culture, a bride price must be paid. The norm is 7 cows, well one guy offered my parents 40 cows! I was really tempted to take him up on that. I was seriously close to calling my parents and asking them if that’s cool. I guess I’m worth something here. I also have plans to go Kenya in August ;). I was asked to go back to Kenya with one of the guys to meet his family. I told him I would go. I hope he doesn’t get too broken hearted when I don’t show up.

My mother is a primary teacher and my father is a farmer and owns a little shop. They have 4 kids, the eldest is 15 and 13—they are both at boarding school so they weren’t there. But the youngest 2 were there, Benja is 6 and Queen Esther is 18 months. She was a brat, but still cute. Benja was awesome, I played with him a lot. I also got to go to school with my mom everyday. That was quite awesome. I literally hung out with 400 kids. They love to sing and always wanted me to sing to them. I couldn’t remember many songs so I made them up. Haha. Except for the hokey pokey and the chicken dance, they never heard the same dong twice. The hokey pokey was a hit. The first time I did it and finished, I got a standing ovation. You would have thought I had just performed the ninth symphony blind and deaf.

I learned how to carry things on my head. I am pretty good at it now. It’s not as hard as it looks, except when you have an entire tree trunk on your head walking up hill for half a mile. But it was definitely interesting.

I have class soon so more to come later. Peace.

The One With The Day I Can't Remember.

Not too much is new around here except my health is slowly retuning to me :).

The medicine is finally working and I can take in liquids! This is a major accomplishment for me!! I was so dehydrated, I even blacked out. I haven't told anyone that until now actually- I didn't want to freak anyone out. I was at home walking down the hall to grab something in my room when everything went black and I collapsed. I was also very weak and in my own little world. I am just happy to drink again!! I still can't eat, it's been 10 days now so I have been drinking more than just water to help with the energy level. I keep thinking I can, so as I am about to get a piece of bread or something easy, my stomach freaks out. I don't if it's a lack of something or my meds but I have been extra delusional lately. I have had a few major freak outs. I could swear I felt every molecule in my body. At one point, I could feel my finger nails growing and so on. I also was convinced I didn't sleep an entire night and had my eyes open, but then in the morning it quickly became evident I dreamed the entire night. Especially when I thought my dreams had been real and I referred to them and people thought I was insane. I have also been convinced there were a few earthquakes throughout the past 2 days, but then when I ask someone if they felt it they look at me as if I were crazy. And a few more random things I have done that arn't normal. Haha. I find this all very funny.

I spent most of the weekend at home due to weakness, but it wasn't bad. I do enjoy hanging out with my family! I did take a couple ventures into Mukono. It's probably a mile and a half walk there, so not too bad. The name of the village I live is Nabuti (Na-booty). Bah. I love it. It's so cute and fun!

Sunday was my birthday. At midnight, my brother and I were still up playing cards and hanging out. He disappeared, I didn't know the time nor did I remember at the time it was my birthday. He came back with a little sign he had made that said Happy Birthday. It was so cute, it looked like a 7 year old made it, but he is 19. We went to bed, woke up, and walked to church. I was so dizzy and still dehydrated. At the point I was able to drink but only a little at a time or it wouldn't stay down. When I woke up and until after church I had once again forgotten it was my birthday until my sister said Happy Birthday. We didn't really do anything. My brother taught me how to play chess and we get competitive when we play games so it was fun beating him my first time playing. Didn't much else but go into Mukono and get Sprite and played with the village kids. I taught them the chicken dance a while back and now I can't go anywhere without someone trying to get me to join in with them.

Monday came and I had more energy then the past 2 weeks and it was great. Phil, the intern, played Happy Birthday to me on his Ukulele and then later in the day came into class and played again, this time having the entire class join in. It was nice of him to do that, technically the most celebrating that was done. But they don't really celebrate birthdays here except for dumping water on you. My family didn't do this becasue I was sick :). On my walk home, I even had enough energy to dance and play with the village kids. I hadn't done this in quite a while so it was fun to get back out there.

Last night I got another visitor while I was sleeping. This time it was a cockroach. Eww. I woke up and something has on my arm, i flicked it off, but then it returned so I opened my eyes and half way freaked out. I opened my mosquito net and flicked it out. I didn't sleep the remainder of the night.

My friend Suzan just gave me a poem she wrote for my birthday. It was sweet. She is a very funny gal. She has gone with me into town a few times and helped me haggle to make sure I don't get the Muzungu price, which I appreciate. She also translates what the Boda Boda drivers (type of taxi system) are saying to me when I pass. Not all of them are appropiate but I did get offered a free ride. Well that's about all for now. I don't know if I will get on here before the end of the week, but I will try. Just as a warning, on Friday we are going West into the Bush to do our Rural Home stays for 10 days or so.

Suzan

Peace.

The One With Helicopters

It's been an interesting week so far.

This past weekend we went to Rakai, we were 14 miles from Tanzania and climbed a hill that gave us the most gorgeous view of the land! The 6 hour trip took us on roads that reminded me of Malawi and I began to miss the people God blessed me with last summer in that beautiful African country. We were out in a more rural area at the Kibaale Community Center. We stayed there and had the pleasure of touring a bit of what they do for the community. They are based out of Vancuver, Canada and have an amazing ministry! They have a school with over 800 children-- each child is fully sponsered by someone at their "partner" school and church in Canada. They also have a health care center for the community, water well projects, & numerous others I cannot remember at the moment. Their work is seriously inspiring!
[Above picture: view from top of the hill we climbed, right picture: A current village school, yes this is still in use today]

I was feeling better over the weekend and was able to eat. Our trip home made me start feeling sick again, I do get car sick so I thought that was the problem. I got back to my families house and eventually went to sleep, in the middle of the night I woke up and had to vomit. I am going to tell you more details so be ware... I couldn't throw up in the toliet becasue the house is locked at night so I swallowed. Nasty, yes! This happened a few more times until I was finally able to go outside and make it to the toliet. For the rest of the day, I threw up on the hour- most of it was just bile. Which is disgusting. One of our interns thought I should go to Kampala to the British medical clinic that is a lot better that the Mukono options. So I did. They gave me pills to stop the vomiting and wanted to do a test. I had nothing in me so I couldn't that day. They gave me the container and was told to come back with it full. On Tuesday, I started to throw up again so I was advised to go to the free clinic on campus. They tested me for malaria found out I was negative, the doctor goes "I don't know what you have so take these pills" They gave me 3 different kinds of medicine, I didn't know what they were so I just take any of them. I was able to eventually get my sample and in the midst had to throw up. Let's just say that was an awkward and disgusting experience I am trying to block from my mind. Me typing this doesn't help. Haha.
Wednesday morning Phil [the intern] and I made our way to Kampala once again. Depending on traffic, it's roughly an hour. I got in and the doctor took a urine sample and apparently I have a Urinary tract infection. Which was news to me. They also took my blood and tested that. I waited 20 minutes and got my results. I was surprised how fast they got them back. Normally everything is just the opposite in Uganda. It was definitely faster than the USA! It turns out I have a bacteria called Helicobacter pylori, but pronouced Helicopters. I keep imagining little helicopters flying around my stomach, which makes sense since it feels like my intestines are being ripped out.
They put me on a bunch of medicine, but it's hard keeping it down. Swallowing it once is not the case, but I get to swallow it about 3 times each time. I am also very dehydrated. I can't really keep much water down but I have been able to figure out that a little sip will stay so that's what I do.

In the end, God is good! I won't let this set me back and I will continue on with Him at my side!

P.S. I finally uploaded pictures into an album on facebook. There are a lot more there, so go take a look!!

The One With Blue Like Jazz

I don’t know if you have read Blue Like Jazz By Donald Miller, but I would highly recommend it if you haven’t. I haven’t read the full book yet, but the 2 random chapters I have read where quite insightful. They are actually making it into a movie; we will see how that goes.
For now, I am gonna pull some quotes that have struck me.

Ch. 2 pg. 13
“I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man’s mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from capturing God.”

--This is so true! I had not realized it until I read this. I couldn’t even tell you how many times I have gone to church and just do the routine. Sing, greet, sit, stand, sit, stand, sit, listen and/or try not to fall asleep, repeat when necessary, etc. I recite a prayer before I eat, do I know what words I am really saying? I pray before bed. This is ridiculous, instead of focusing on God, I have fallen into this routine and don’t see Him there anymore. The devil is tricky, but I have Christ on my side so I will win. I will not let him blind me anymore.

Ch. 2 pg. 14
“If you don’t love somebody, it gets annoying when they tell you what to do or what to feel. When you love them you get pleasure from their pleasure, and it makes it easy to serve. I didn’t love God because I didn’t know God.”

--I have found that people, even for myself, have a hard time listening to God’s commands and get frustrated when Christians tell them yes to this and no to that and when they ask why? The answer is because God says this or God says that. But now it makes so much more sense to me. People have a hard time listening/following Him because they haven’t really gotten to know God and therefore haven’t fallen in love with Him. I think this is true for myself. Until the past couple of years, my relationship with Him was not real. It was ‘I believe in you’ but I never took the time to understand Him, get to know Him, or allow myself to truly love Him. I think this is something I am still working on. It doesn’t happen over night but is a process; although I am getting there. There are still days when I want to go against Him because of my free will but the more I fall in love with Him, the less I desire to do the opposite of what He says. I am not saying that I will fall madly in love with Him and never go against Him, because I am human this cannot happen. I will never fully understand what it means to fully, completely, and passionately love Him until I am in His presence because I am disconnected from Him and cannot understand Him.

Ch. 11 pg. 105
“ I don’t know if we really like pop-culture icons, follow them, buy into them because we resonate with what they believe or whether we buy into them because we think they are cool.”
“Who cares what I believe about life, I only care that I am cool.”

--It’s so easy to get caught up in modern day America where we follow people and have heroes for no reason. We want to be associated with them and we want to be the coolest person on the block. I know I struggle with this. It is so easy to fall into this trap. I want to have modern clothes, I want to fit into the stereotype of what defines cool. And when someone doesn’t fit into our definition of cool, we ridicule him or her and call them weird. We look down upon them instead of loving them and praising them for having the bravery to stand out. America tells us to be an individual and to stand out, but as soon as they do, they get mocked. Living for Christ can be scary because it makes you stand out but if you’re truly passionate about Him, you will have the strength to be apart from what society tells us is cool. Which is something I am still working on.

Ch. 11 pg. 106-107
“Satan wants us to believe in meaningless things for meaningless reasons. Can you imagine if Christians actually believed that God was trying to rescue us from the pit our own self-addiction? Can you imagine? … If we believed the right things, the true things, there wouldn’t be very many problems on earth.”

--I agree. If we understood what was truth and what were lies and instead of getting mixed up in believing falsehoods, we would have a grasp on this planet and on the wickedness of Satan and have an easier time defeating Him. But the devil is a trickster and wants to deceive you away from Christ.

Ch. 11 pg. 107
“Even our beliefs have become trend statements. We don’t even believe things because we believe them anymore. We only believe things because they are cool things to believe.”

-- I find this more true now than ever. With this past election, I would ask people why they are voting for Obama. I always got the same answer: Because it’s time for change. Well, duh! Any new president would be change. I would ask them to elaborate and they would a little but they skimmed the surface and didn’t know much else. He was the popular man to vote for and he has many followers who don’t even know much more about him than the basics. They couldn’t tell me anything about his policies and I got the feeling people got caught up in the “coolness” of his figure. I am not saying I don’t do this. I am by all means guilty of this. I went to church my whole life and believed in God and Jesus’ death because it was the thing to believe in church and in my family. It was not until I did my own soul searching did I find an actual, true belief in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Ch. 11 pg. 107
“The problem with Christian belief – I mean real Christian belief, the belief that there is a God and a devil and a heaven and a hell- is that it is not a fashionable thing to believe.”

--I cannot tell you the number of times I have run across people who think that as long as they are a “good” person then they will go to heaven. But here is my question, why should you get to go to everlasting paradise when you did not live for Jesus and still sinned. Sure, you didn’t murder anyone and you helped the poor, but what did you do for God? Why should he allow you in heaven when you didn’t obey or worship Him on earth? He doesn’t need YOU, you NEED Him. He is perfectly fine without you, but he still loves you and desires you and has mercy on you. In fact, He sent His son to die for you and all you have to do is believe in your heart and confess with your mouth and live for Him. Here is my problem, I am selfish and want to live my way. It’s not always easy living for Him, but it is worth it because in the end I will be rewarded.

Ch. 11 pg. 110
“All great Christian leaders are simple thinkers…when Jesus says feed the poor, He means you should do this directly…what I believe is not what I say I believe, what I believe is what I do.”

--I think these phrases have said it perfectly. Christianity should not be made into something elaborate or technical but is simple. Act out what you believe, show it. And do as He says without adding your own spin to it.

Ch. 11 pg. 111
“Living for something is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe.”

--I say I am a Christian and I believe in the Bible, but do I show it? Do I actually live it out? Or do I just say I believe and live a totally separate lifestyle? It is easy. There are no buts, so just do it.



I could probably quote the entire book because it is so good, well the 2 chapters I have read. I learned a lot and I pray you can look at these quotes and understand what they mean and the importance they talk about and also impact you as it did me.

The One Where I become a Witch

It is sometimes hard to get the motivation to update this. You know it would be a lot easier for you all to just come here and observe for yourself, but then what would be the point of a blog?

This place gets crazier and crazier. But it’s funny and I love it!!

So I was talking with one of my sisters the other day. I asked her when Stella, my other sister, is due to give birth. She goes “Michelle, If I didn’t know you, I would think you are a witch.” I was taken aback by this and asked why? She told me because I know so much and in this culture, if you know a lot you are presumed to be a witch. I am an observer so when I see things I will later ask about them and my sister always asks me how I know that? I just give my simple answer of “I know everything” but now she really thinks I do know everything. Now, she always goes “Michelle, You know everything, you KNOW everything!!” I find this hilarious. I mean come on people, she is due in marchish. It’s kind of obvious she is preggo. Apparently, I knew before mama though. And yes, Thea, they do know where babies come from. [I told her this story on the phone the other day and my mom asked that question, I thought it quite funny.]

The road rules here go: the biggest wins! Semis, buses, trucks, vans, cars, boda bodas (motorcycles), bikes, pedestrians, and then livestock. You seriously have to be careful, the drivers are crazy! The other day my papa was driving us somewhere and as he was turning the corner, someone was in the way and he hit them!! I was mortified! But my dad just kept going! Before your imagination gets away from you, let me first tell you he hit the passenger’s side (America’s drivers side) and of course I was sitting there. I was ready to get out and see if he was all right but nope, papa just kept driving. I did turn around and watch and he was fine. He just kept walking. No one said anything either. And papa barely noticed. In America, you would get sued!

So there are these kittens around the house and as much as I hate them, (I have realized I really don’t like cats) I like them being around because they eat things like cockroaches. In fact, I was just watching one eat a rat bigger than it! It was disgusting and I have no clue how it caught it but dang that cat has talent.

I have a 30 minute walk and there are 3 certain spots where I have gotten to know some kids. I stop and play soccer with some for about 10 minutes then another place where a bunch walk up the road with me, and the final spot where 3 little girls would walk me home, but the 3 has multiplied to 8. And when I get home, I do the chicken dance and do father Abraham in the front yard with them. Everyday more and more kids come. Yesterday there were about 20 kids. Then they all tried to come into the courtyard with me. I had to force them away. I have fun with them but they are starting to push it too far.

I thought my brother Mike lived with us but then now I don’t know. Some days he stays here and some days he doesn’t. It’s confusing me! I asked about it and was told he lives here, but then someone else told me he lives somewhere else. I don’t even know if they know!

My brother, Sister, native friend Suzan, Geoff (fellow USPer) and his brother all went to Kampala on Saturday. We went to the Ugandan version of So you think you can dance, only hip hop style. It was pretty awesome! They have some serious talent. They were all break-dancing it up! The bummer part is it was outside and blazing hot! I got dehydrated and I hadn’t eaten anything all day so we left a little early and went to a more American version restaurant and I ate a salad! It was so good! and very exciting to have veggies and something different! But it didn’t help me feel better. The entire ride home in a mutatu van that fits 15 people but they stuff as many that will fit – their public transport system where they try to sell you rides, quite funny – made things worse. I got car sick and the only thing I could think of was how miserable I was and wanted my mom and America! When we FINALLY got home, I went straight to bed and slept through church.
I wasn’t feeling fully better but well enough to where Sarah and I decided to cook dinner for the family. We went to town and the market and bought the stuff to prepare. Sarah doesn’t really know how to cook so I had to be director - which I didn’t mind ;). We made pasta. They don’t have marinara sauce here so I made up a recipe and prayed it wouldn’t taste horrible. I used tomato paste, water, freshly diced onion and garlic, oregano, salt, pepper, and something else. It was actually tasty. I defiantly impressed myself. We also made garlic bread but they don’t have ovens so I made it over the charcoal in a pan grilled cheese style. It actually tasted amazing! We also made fried apples. I had never made that before so I just kinda made that up as well. I put butter in a pan, cut them into pieces, fried them and shook them with cinnamon and sugar. They were actually quite delicious!! My family told us this is the first American meal the entire family liked and they all ate it up. I want to thank my brother Brian for making me watch food network and allowing me to observe his amazing cooking skills! I would have been clueless if it weren’t for him.

The bummer part of all this is I threw it all up! I hadn’t been feeling too well all day, but I ignored it until I could no longer. Fortunately, no one else was sick so I know it’s not food poisoning, but a lame immune system on my part. I went to school Monday but left early because I felt horrible. I came home and threw up. So I just went to bed for a while. I woke up later and threw up some more and then got nasty diarrhea, prepare for the nasty graphics I feel compelled to share with you but it was like pee coming out my butt. I have never had it this bad before. like ever, it kinda scared me. But what was I to do? So I just went some more & threw up some more and eventually went to bed. I woke the next day and decided to skip school, so I slept till 1ish. This freaked out my family. They felt I should eat, but that was the last thing I wanted to do. They tried caring for me in their weird way I guess, they kept trying to force feed me fish. Umm, no thanks. By 5pm I was feeling a lot better so I ate some bread to make them happy. But then I threw it up. I went to school yesterday, but only to 1 class because I still didn’t feel good. I didn’t wanna be a burden or have them force me to eat so I just hung out in our little room the IMME kids have.

I live with cockroaches and I thought they were attacking me the other day. It was quite funny because I started to freak out until I realized I was in my mosquito net and there were no bugs anywhere. I did have one jump on my head the previous day though so I think I was still a little freaked out by that.

The IMME students are going on another weekend trip this coming Friday. We are going to Rakai, it’s close to the border of Tanzania I think. Should have another update next week, but I do have a project due on Wednesday that I won’t start until then, but hopefully an update will come your way sooner rather than later.

I forgot to mention this 2 weeks ago, but my mama’s sister died of AIDS. And she had a friend die this week. Please pray for her as she is going this hard time.

The One Where I Tell Stories

Time is flying by these days. I can't believe another week has ended.


There is this annoying noise everywhere I go. It this beeping, it sounds like the game catch phrase if you've played it. None of us could figure it out until I finally asked one of the interns what that beeping is. It's a bird!! I couldn't believe it. It sounds exactly like the beeps on catch phrase. It's so annoying! I am gonna find a slingshot and start shooting them.

So this spider that was living in my bed decided it was lonely and needed a friend. Through a mosquito net and blankets, it managed to bring in a mosquito. I woke up in the middle of the night and my feet were itching like crazy. I had to climb out of bed and smother my feet in benedryl cream and put on socks. Thank the Lord for that stuff! I fell back asleep and the next morning had many more bites on my legs. I have a ridiculous amount of bites all over me. I seriously tried counting but it failed. I was able to count my left foot though- 22 bites. I seriously look like I have chicken pox.

I got to take my bath last night with a couple guest-- a dead gecko and a live cockroach. I did not take my eyes off that cockroach. I also electrocuted myself last night. At first I had no clue what was happening to me until I let go of the plug. I didn't want my family to know because they would have freaked out, so I had to act all cool. That's hard to do when you think you are gonna pass out. It ran all the way through my finger, up my arm, and to my body. I guess I learned my lesson. When plugging in my computer, I should not plug it into an outlet while touching the exposed prong.

I love my family here! I've never had a sister so it's kinda cool now that I have at least 3 or 4 or 5. I honestly don't even have a guess on how many brothers I have (some are tecnically cousins but in this culture they are brothers) everyone comes and goes and I don't know who I have met and who I haven't. I still haven't figured out this family, but I am getting closer. I know Judie and Rachel the best. I share a room with Judie and we have even started to "rough house." Just what I love...
Boarding school is very common here and holiday is ending soon. I am aware of one brother leaving, Simon. It will be very sad--he is one I know. He will be in Jinja and wants us to visit, so we will try since it's only an hour and a half drive.

I am gonna end with a really funny and embarrassing story. It happened my first week here but I had somehow forgotten about it until the other day.
So I had just woken up and I wasn't paying much attention. I went to the bathing room where there is usually a bucket of water so I can wash my face (don't forget i was tired and not paying attention). I started washing my face and half way through i realized the smell was not right, like awful. I looked down and realized I had been washing my face with PEE!! What happened is the pee bucket that is used at night (too dangerous to go to outside to the bathroom) somehow ended up where the water one usually is. And the worst part is, it wasn't even my urine!!! But, don't worry i thoroughly washed up after that.



I am gonna add an advertisement on here. I love getting mail and I know a few of you have asked for my address, so here it is. Padded envelopes or something similar gets here faster. I do enjoy getting drink mixes & toliet paper!

Michelle Welke
Uganda Studies Programme
Uganda Christian University
P.O. Box 4
Mukono, Uganda

The One That is not about my day.

I write this blog in response to a previous comment that read:

You are wise way beyond your years. As you study the world, you'll learn that all cultures have something in common with a belief in God. As you'll find, most peoples of the world are good people and profess their beliefs in God in different ways. There are truly no wrong religions, just people doing wrong things in the name of their religion.

In response:

Hmm. This is interesting and I appreciate this. First of all, let’s take the word religion out of this. Many people get stuck on the word because people who have a religion have hurt them and the definition of this word religion is so broad. In the end, all that matters is the fact that God sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins because of the love God has for man, something we cannot begin to comprehend.
I was talking about God revealing Himself while you were mentioning the different beliefs in God. So, what about people who are atheist and think there is no such thing as a god? Also, what do you think about death… like, what happens once one dies? If there are those who deny He exists or don’t believe Jesus came to earth as man and died on the cross and rose again, what happens to them?
I wish this all could be simple and everyone could be saved, no matter their beliefs. But if you take a look at this world, you can see lots of love and good, but also lots of evil. The evil that fills this earth causes hate and confusion.
For this part, I am going to bring the word religion back in. But before I do, I want to give it a definition so we are talking the same. For now, I am going to go with what E. Darkheim defined religion as: A unified system, of beliefs and practices into unity. So, if there are no wrong religions how do you justify those that believe in destructive gods? Like the Aztecs or here in Uganda, some believe they must sacrifice children. To them, these horrible actions are the right things in their religion. Who gets to say when these are right or wrong actions? To them these actions are good and to us they are not.
Some Christians try to bring God down to the human level where He is not. They (including myself) like to pretend He is our neighbor or friend rather then someone to submit to. Even if one does more good than the next, this does not make one better than the other, not in the eyes of God. Because we all have sinned and have had done evil, having fallen short of the glory of God.
In this world, there is good and there is bad. Ever since evil first entered the world in Genesis, there must be good and there must be bad. God gave us the honor of making own decision of faith in Him and Satan takes advantage of this. The devil wants us to be confused and fall away from Christ so he can have control over us instead. Every time I sin, Satan gets a point but I already know what will happen in the end, God will win.
This whole discussion brings a curiosity upon me, is it easier to say peoples’ actions are wrong or right, than it is to say whether there is a good God who created this world and His Son died for us or that there is no god at all?
In the end, the one thing that matters is whether the individual believes in his heart that Jesus died on the cross for us. I do not have religion, nor am I “religious”. Rather, I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ our Lord. Every day I struggle to turn completely away from sin, but God loves me no matter what. This must be a strong love because why would He still want me after the day is over and I disobeyed Him a countless number of times, and even for some time denied His existence? This is just a tiny glimpse of how vast His love really is. There is no way to fully understand this because I am merely human. I have to have the strength to turn towards His open arms and run away from the temptations that lie before me. I must turn daily back to Him and everyday He rejoices I am forever His! And I pray the same for you.



Now, it’s your turn…what do you think? I would love to hear what you believe, not arguing, but merely having a conversation. All of you.